Just Push Play

When Christmas stops being merry and when New Year, even your own birthday, stops being happy, what's the best way to celebrate them? Don't celebrate at all.

When optimism becomes tiring and when forever looking at the brighter side is starting to blind you, where do you turn to? Cynicism and sarcasm is the way to go. Whee. Yay. Happy joy, joy.

When you waste away sulking in your own dark corner, what does Fate do? It just stares and sings at you.

My, my baby blue
Yeah, I been thinkin' 'bout you
My, my baby blue
Yeah, you're so jaded
And I'm the one that jaded you

All I Want for the Holiday Season

Is to get fat. And Zoloft. Or Halcion.

Off Limits Tayo Diyan

He restricted his Friendster accountsss. This is unacceptable! It's infuriating, it's outrageous! I'm suspecting somebody tipped him off on all the stalking I've been doing on him.

I'm fetching Pepper Parental vibes here. Whoever you are, you know what; you're making me throw tantrums. You're baaad! Thanks to you I now won't be able to finish writing my book: The *Bleep* Manual: All I Need to Learn about *Bleep* I Learn from Ivan. That kid has a lot of admirers, you know, most of them not as well-versed in stalking as I am. For that you owe me millions what with the royalties I have to forego. What's that I'm hearing; you're concerned? Well, concern your granny's ass! I say you're selfish (and I'm irrational.)

But then, I may be overreacting. And barking at the wrong tree. He must've (been love, but it's over now... wenk) noted the sharp increase in his page traffic attributable to viewer Anonymous (That's me, that's me!) hence the unexpected restriction.

Oh well. Kid, you don't know who you're running away from. >:)

Pilipit

This upset stomach's been, um, upsetting me to say the least. It's excruciating, it's gut-wrenching. It's as if my intestines are being stretched and pulled back and forth. This must be how having a colonic feels like. Or being butt-fucked. (Yes, I just said "butt-fucked", prude.) I've abdicated "the throne" so many times now because all I've done sitting there is to contort like a circus freak and frown like a clown (Huh?), but "the kingdom" just keeps on calling me back. Haha. Ouch. :(

I can't trace what food possibly might have caused this diarrhea dilemma. It started two days ago, a day after I got here in Pampanga. All I know is I've been eating three, hefty meals daily (which is more than my usual diet because I rarely have breakfast) in my quest to conquer Twigdom. But that'll be in my next post. Until then. I think it's safe to take in my loperamide medication now according to Trivia Mistress Noella Omaga.

Ang Babata Namin (Noon)!

From the UP CE Members and Officers Day Out [MODO, the first (and the most controversial) ever]

God, those eyebags look awful! And look how scrawny I was (and still am).

Sigh. Memories. If I could just press rewind, I would.

WTF Is This?

How the hell did my name get here?

What Christmas?

Let the ground crack open and swallow me wholly, until the last traces of me are thrown into oblivion.

I'm pretty much busted right now thanks to Ben Brian Kalaw. Killing him would be pointless (and impossible anyway) so in a distressing situation where I stand now, I'd just act how a mature grown-up would, that is, I'd resign to loathing BBK as long as the thought of my little secret being open to the last person whom I'd want to know about it elicits cringes that drain the life out of my frail body. *Inhales*

Since that stupid acquaintance party, it's more of awkwardness than of kilig I feel each time I see him (not BBK, of course). I might as well die of it (the awkwardness).
---
It's as if I'm exactly in the same state I was one year ago. Depressed. Helpless. Pathetic. Listening to sad songs doesn't help alleviate the feeling. (Duh!)

I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache...

I just keep going round and round and round in circles, keep on tumbling down...

I went after what I wanted, and I never really got it, but it doesn't matter at all...

Why do all good things come to an end...
---
I wish that I may break away from the shackles that keep me in the darkness, that I may still be able to see the light of New Year's Day.

The Armchair

An online quiz says that I think I know more than everyone else, and that maybe I do. That then again, maybe I don't. That they (the quiz authors) are scared that I'm just sitting back and judging without throwing my hat in the ring. ("Because love is like boxing," they ask.) That all they're saying is that I need to let a few people into my life, just to round things out.

That I also might want to stop being evil. That my seduction style is a little too dark for them to feel good about. That one might say that I'm a black hole of scary disillusion and Satanism. That one might also suggest getting a puppy.

Flavor of the Month

For the time being, my lonely world is revolving around him. As I've mentioned in my previous post, I've already located his Friendster accounts. All four of them. And I'm so proud of myself for doing an excellent job in stalking. At times I even amaze myself at the skills I have developed or at the lengths that I go to just to satisfy my stalkee-information needs.

Do I creep you out? Haha.

He puts a smile on my face, and he's not even aware of it. Oh, the joy (and agony) of one-sided relationships. People prod, but I ain't ready yet. I never will be. There's to much immaturity and too much insecurity issues I have to deal with. Let's rephrase that. There's too much immaturity and too much insecurity issues with which I have to deal. Better.

Lovesickness. S-O-S, please someone help me. It's not healthy for me to feel this...

Pagkatapos?

Hi there to no one in particular.

So we, the CE-JFA-SE-Men slash the Green Grenades won in the BACBACAN. At least in the event every org/team has been aspiring most to win: cheerdance. Whee! Although it could have been better if we placed first in the other games, it's good enough, and I think I'm not speaking only for myself but for the whole team as well, that we bagged the cheerdance championship. That makes it CE's fourth consecutive and my first time very worth all of the muscle pains and late-night practices. Besides, I had another perk for attending the practices. *Winks* (Oh my god, I feel the blood rushing to my head!)

They say I look like him. Save for the thick eyebrows and long eyelashes I really can't see the resemblance, but if I were to become handsome, I wouldn't mind sharing his visage. And that would be a bad case of narcissism. Imagine being attracted to someone who looks like you. Eek! Again, I wouldn't mind as long as I'm drop-dead gorgeous (which isn't the case, thanks to my genes.)

Now that BACBACAN is over, I won't get to see him every night anymore. And it sucks because I feel so helpless (Thanks to Joan and Kat I finally found his Friendster accountsss.) Lovesickness. It makes me want to puke. Talking about it makes me want to puke. I apologize but I just have to catch up on the petty, high-school emotions I suppressed when I was in high school. I thought love was corny, pathetic, and overrated then. I still do.

I'm not making any sense so enough.
---
What do you know; I just turned twenty last week. (So what?)

If there was one thing I'd regret the most, it's that I was born (May lurking drama underneath?) The world or at least the people who know me now, would be better off without me. Seriously. What's the point of living anyway, living itself? Relationships? Love? God? I don't know. Whatever it is, I feel it's not worth the trouble. Wala lang.
---
In one week it's Christmas vacation, in three the year ends. Before you know it the semester is over.

Water Break

Rainy days have gone by, and the lazy days have taken place. I want a break. So I'm taking one! A very short one will do; I'll allow myself to absent from my classes even just for a couple of days. Call it a reorientation program for my pig-headed self about the plans, goals, resolutions, and whatnot I've set at the start of the sem. (May ganyon?!)

See, with this breather I was able to churn out a decent (i.e. of decent length) blog entry. My engrossment in acads (Talaga lang ha?) and in the 'til-late night BACBACAN practices didn't allow me that. I'm not complaining though, especially with the perks the second reason brings. *Winks*

Oh my God, I'm blushing! Oh wait, it's just my rashes. They resurfaced and they're back with vengeance!
---
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do, and I hurt myself by hurting you.

It breaks my heart and my spirit to see you cry because of me. Because of us. Because of our situation.

Don't Dance in Trainers When Toenails Are Long

My two toenails are turning violet. They may never see the light of day again. I may never see them the same way again. Ouch.

Crushing You Crushes Me

I can't take it anymore. Whenever you come near or are just in plain sight I supress my kilig, and it's taking its toll on my health. Just the act of remembering you wrings my insides, especially my frail, black heart. Shoo, you!

I have some alternative suggestions though. Let's see.

1.) Reposition your eyes and nose upwards thereby extending the vertical gap between them and between your nose and mouth; and reducing the area of your forehead.

2.) Pull your eyeballs out of their sockets.

3.) Face sideways; the angle does not favor you. Better yet, get out of my sight.

4.) Acquire atrophy.

5.) Be obnoxious as much as I am. Or worse.

I Feel in My Guts I Will Be Regretting This Very Soon

My CE Bacbacan cheerdance practice started tonight, and I'm exhausted. I'm very, very, very exhausted.

Selfish

People are naturally selfish. They are self-centered and self-absorbed. They act with the end, consciously in mind or not, of propagation and preservation of their selves and their interests.

There are those who, like me, subscribe to such opinion, and of course there are those who deny it, some with all their might or to the extent that their consciences can handle. Obviously, I would favor the former. Nonetheless, I have nothing against those of the latter kind. Whatever that lets them sleep at night, let it be. However, sometimes, and it can't be helped, their display of self-righteousness irks me, irritates me. In the end, I cannot totally blame them. People are selfish after all.
---
I'm sorry for purposely hurting your feelings. I realized I was being childish. By hurting you I just wanted to know how much significant I was to you. Yes, it is an unacceptable justification. With the fear of stretching the distance that vexed me in the first place, I now know the answer.

Before Classes Officially Start

The DBM and DOJ secretaries and the First Daughter

I arrived at UP past 10 AM; first stop was at the Yakal Residence Hall to again inquire and pester Sir Robidillo (sp?), dormitory manager, about my wait-list status. Just when I was about to lose hope of being admitted to said dorm, he handed me some forms to fill out (up? I always mix up.) My lungs nearly burst as I inhaled and exhaled my excitement. I'm halfway to being a mushi Yakalite. (As if that means anything to you.)

I didn't fare with as much luck with the manual enlistment, but it wasn't that bad either. I still have two subjects left to enlist. As my wolf-wearing-sheep-skin act worked with Sir Robidillo, I hope it also does tomorrow with the professors. Awoo! Have you ever heard a wolf cry to the blue corn moon? I have never seen a sem without a torturous registration.

Mushi Enchantment

I got so hooked on "Mushishi" I only went out this day just to attend the HR (and D) postplanning at McDo Katips. My overconfidence will yield me terrible electives and class schedule. Oh well, as if I really care.

I'm three episodes away before completing the anime series; "Saiunkoku Monogatari" is next in line. Super thanks to Jazelli (Oi, magparamdam ka!) for the burned anime she lent. Mi mi mirakuru Mikurun-run, mi mi mirakuru Mikurun-run! Whee!

So Much for Optimism

Yes, Sir Ben Paul dismissed my plea to take BA 142 and BA 129 simultaneously advising that I just take BA 129 next semester. I guess my being "feasibusy" will have to wait a little longer. With BA 129 on my Form 5A about to be cancelled with that green RVC ink, I will have to toil to get through the scourge that is manual enlistment. I still have four subjects lacking; imagine that.
---

Come on, do I really look like Luli Arroyo?

Cbox and the Never-ending Drama

TagBoard mysteriously has vanished off the face of the world wide web. Cbox seems a decent alternative, and it has more features so I switched to it. Feel free to inundate my new tagboard (Is that the generic term?) with your messages of love for me. I need the validation. Badly.
---
More than a week of no blog update has gone by. So many thoughts have been boggling my mind, and I can't seem to have the strength (Nah, I'm just lazy) to organize and put them in writing. Energy escapes me every time I ponder about them. If only I could faint and never regain consciousness ever again, I would. Disgust yourselves by such cowardice. Even I disgust myself.

I'm fazed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm paralyzed.

I'm frail. I'm vulnerable.

But I've got to keep trying.

Keep Cryin'

I don't like being alone...

This year everything seems like a real drag...

The truth is I'm hungrier than it seems. Even though I try and hide my messed up feelings, every morning, I want to destroy the mirror which reflects my weak, natural face.

A wish on a moonlight night, it's a beautiful thing...

I don't care about anything even if I'm running a little late in the morning. I'm going to try my best. How many times have I stupidly got my hopes up? There are no barriers that's why I keep trying.

I don't care about anything while deciding on a cool pose. To tell you the truth, I've been fighting. It's such a precious life; you'll have to reach for each and every bit of rest.

I don't care about anything while making a face like, "Okay, whatever." I've always, always been praying. I want what I don't have. I can't be satisfied that easily so I keep trying.

Heto Ako

What's this I'm hearing that people have been asking about my where...abouts? I'm here if that's what you want to know. The concern is unnecessary; nonethelesss, I appreciate it. To tell the truth, I'm not entirely well (When have I ever been, anyway?), but I'm okay. I think.

It's such a bummer that I have no Internet connection in Pampanga. Technically, I have, but my PC isn't working yet (Jay, help! I'm willing to bring my CPU there in Cavite. *Winks*) At least, television is there to keep the boredom out of my skull. At the most, the semester is finally over. Actually, I force-ended mine a bit earlier. How? By fleeing and never looking back.

Going back to TV, what have caught my interest are two series that have started recently, the Koreanovela "A Rosy Life" and the JDrama "Beautiful Life". If you're for tearjerkers like "Stairway to Heaven" *sighs*, the former is a must-see. The plot is promising; the lead female actor is effective; I can't wait to cry my heart out.

"A Rosy Life"

If you think you've got enough drama in your life than you can handle, try "Beautiful Life" (BL) starring the beautiful Kimura Takuya (Oh my, he's so fvcking hot!) You don't know how much I, out of suppressed kilig, hyperventilate and squeak each time I see him on TV. It's quite embarrassing actually. Haha. Unlike in "Good Luck!!" and in the picture below, he sports a bushy hairstyle. He reminds me of Won Bin circa 2000. Dreamy eyes, plump lips, and all. Sigh.

I'm too lazy to find a better picture.

---
My new motto in life: Keep trying.

I don't care about anything
Even if I'm running a little late in the morning
I'm gonna try my best
How many times have I stupidly
Got my hopes up? There are no barriers
That's why I keep trying

---

P.S.: We have a new puppy in the house. It's white, fluffy, and most of all, adorable (much like this exhibitionist). Kawaii!

Hikari Sentai Maskman

It's amazing what videos one can dig up on YouTube. I never thought some people still have with them videos of the old sentai series to upload, much more the Tagalog-dubbed version.

Sige, sige, laban, Maskman
Ipagtanggol ang kapayapaan
Sugod, sugod, laban, Maskman...

Sigh. Brings back peachy, childhood memories. Looking back, I can't pinpoint whom among the Maskmen I had a crush on. Hmm, was it Michael Joe or Adrian? Haha.

Cutie Akira (Adrian), Blue Mask

Yay to the Laser Squadron Maskman!

---
Just some clarifications: I've been part of the Special Projects Ad Hoc (SPADHOC) for four semesters now, three of which I've been the co-head. Next semester will be my fourth time, not fifth, to lead the team. Though it'll my first to be the sole head. Ay, ay, ay!

I've been contemplating. Do I really want to put up with the stress heading such a committee brings, again? For the fourth time? Considering SPADHOC is one of the underrated, if not the most underrated ad hoc of CE? To top that, I'll be chair-ing (imbento) another ad hoc, thanks to my vulnerable self-esteem and Virge's coaxing prowess. And, and, and if the Undergraduate Studies Director will permit, I will be "feasibusy," too.

What the heck, bring on the flagellation. Just make sure it wouldn't hurt much. After all, no stress is still stress. Don't ever complain if I churn out mediocre work and go around bitching. Joke.
---
You, you got what you deserved. Nyahaha. >:P

What's the Matter with TagBoard?

To summarize this day with a smiley.

~_~;

Fvck you, you moron! I'll harpoon you in the eye the next time you utter another stupid comment! Shoo, you closeted faggot!

Escapism

To hell with my exam and paper due tomorrow. I'm staying online.

Now here's something tickling my juvenile sensibilities.

Boku wa kuma kuma kuma kuma
I am not a car bear bear bear
I can't walk but I can dance
I can't talk but I can sing
I am a bear bear bear bear

I am a bear bear bear bear
I hate fighting bear bear bear
My rival is fried shrimp
I was probably chocolate in a previous life
I am a bear bear bear bear

Bonjour! Je m'appelle Kuma. Comment ca va?

I am a bear bear bear bear
The winter is sleepy bear bear bear
In the evening, "Goodnight, Mr. Pillow"
In the morning, "Good morning, Mr. Pillow"
I am a bear bear bear bear

In the evening, "Goodnight, Mr. Pillow"
In the morning, "Good morning, Mr. Pillow"
I am a bear
Mama bear bear

You should check out the music video. Kawaii!

Patulan Ko Kaya?

"My Communication Research 101 group needs participants for a focus group discussion for our final term paper. If you’re below twenty-five years old, currently living, staying or studying in Metro Manila, and watches films in commercial cinemas at least once every three months, you might be who we need... We will provide your transportation and food, and something extra."-Bikoy of bikoy.net

I wonder what that something extra would be. If it'd a freebie(s), I'd be more than content considering I wouldn't have to pay for my own transportation and there's free food. Yun yun eh! Though it wouldn't hurt if it's money. *Crosses fingers* Haha.

What worries me in the event I accommodate Bikoy's call is that I'd have nothing significant to contribute come the actual FGD itself. As most of you know, when it comes to things like this I just shut my foul mouth, listen attentively to everything that's being said (eavesdropping come so naturally to me), and observe like an FBI profiler (more like a stalker). It'd be embarrassing to waste Bikoy's precious time. Haha.

Plus, I might do something klutzy and idiotic out of sheer starstruck state. I have been reading his blog for almost four years now, you know. But I really want the free food and extra stuff. Because I'm a cheapskate like that.

AnimEmo

I just finished re-watching all the episodes of Fruits Basket. It moved me so much that throughout the marathon I frequently found myself shedding tears to the tribulations of Tohru or a member of the Sohma family, or grinning from ear to ear out of kilig as Kyo, despite his temper and regardless how roughly, manages to manifest his fondness for Tohru. Sigh.

After I finish watching an anime like Fruits Basket, I can help but be emotionally attached to the characters that it's hard to let go and move on, especially if with those characters I have been able not only to sympathize but to empathize as well. The anime may have left me craving for more, in-denial, and, yet again, feeling down; but it's okay. I can't grasp the words that exactly describe how I feel. Right now, I only can say that I'm delightedly depressed. Eek, manic depression!
---
Geekness aside, my cellphone I haven't yet found and, I think, find it I never will. Baka, baka! I didn't want to resort to lying to my mom that the cellphone was snatched, but I can't think of another way to dodge further lecturing, that is, nagging.

The hands of fate, through Norman, keep on bringing us, AJ and I, together. Nothing, not his luck in that card game, his average intellect (mucho bobito), nor my bankruptcy can repel my starstruck self from him.

The moon glows beautifully in all its fullness. The full moon, the fool's moon.

This entry rains with commas. Wala lang.

Only If Moving on Were Easy

In time, there will come a day when everything is just a memory. "With Honey and Clovers"

Celly, Where Are You?

I can't find my cellphone. I seem to have left it in the CE tambayan. Stupid.

Kirby is such a cutie. I'm currently playing him, um, it on Nintendo DS. To be exact, I'm poking him, um, it with the mouse pointer, on a PC emulator.

SSShit early tomorrow. Um, I mean later.

Oh, borerandomness.

Traveling

Traveling kimi wo
Traveling nosete
Asufaruto wo terasu yo
Traveling doko he
Traveling iku no?
Tooku nara doko he demo

Katipunan, Cubao, Buendia, Quezon Avenue, UP, Quezon Avenue, Buendia, Quezon Avenue, UP, Katipunan.

I adore Professor Valcarcel and her grandmotherly ways; but the SSS Makati Branch, fifty-hour field work of our BA 126 Controllership class is a real pain in the neck. To my feet and to my pocket, too. I walk long distances, stand in infinite queues, and shell out for transporation expenses that I shouldn't really be incurring if not for this SSShit.

However, looking on the brighter side of things (and I'm sarcastic), riding the MRT is a real experience. The thrill of wrestling with total strangers, fighting my way to squeeze my twig of a body inside the shuttle; clasping the handrails, in the process acquiring a gazillion germs; inhaling, fainting at the warm stench of halitosis and body odor. And little did I know the MRT could be a venue for flirting (until, of course, I flirted), again, with complete strangers. Haha. Kadire!

When I was riding a jeepney in Makati, this certain passenger's eyes caught my own. If he (another certain someone) had a brother, certain passenger would look like him (certain someone's hypothetical brother). I swear he's (certain passenger) a real dead ringer. Makes me want to take back whatever I said. Not.

FYI: For You, Idiot

I cannot overemphasize on this, and I reiterate: Mate na ka; e na ka magbalik dyang kapilan, putanaidumong bugok kang mabolang-bolang ka!

Lisya!

E na ka magbalik! Putanaidumo, mate na ka!

Average Joe

Oh my fvcking goodness! I'm watching AJ's videos on YouTube. This is so fvcking embarassing, but I just couldn't stop myself.

He can dance, he can sing (Would you believe?) Unfortunately, he just isn't telegenic. He can writhe, caterwaul, convulse, wail as much as his skills and his passion can permit, but the television just doesn't give his looks justice. I would just have to content myself with his MTh poker sessions with the SE Men. Sigh.

What else is there to do on a boring Sunday night? (Drink your whiskey!)

Pokerific

I didn't expect to win. Yeah, right. I did expect to win, but to put it more nicely, I hoped to win. And win did I. Yeah, baby!

Actually, I was close to disqualification even before the tournament began. I woke up at 9:15 AM when the set start time was 9 AM. Good thing SE Men were kind enough to move it to 10:30 and wait for me. Nah. They were hoping for more people to register.

The event started with a raffle, and Lucky Me Pancit Canton, I won a bottle of St. George blended whiskey. Not bad. In the elimination round, I was designated to a table with a cute, baby-faced, Chinito JMA-er (Here I go again.) Not bad. I placed second in our table (Raymond Silva, you know, Janna Garcia's Raymond, placed first) so that meant I qualified for the finals. Not bad.

There should have been a semis but the winners opted to have us eight in one final round. I was against it because I had higher chances of getting beaten in a table of eight players. I just reluctantly concurred lest I get beaten physically by seven, virile lads. I wouldn't want that, would I? Or wouldn't I? Joke.

But guess what, I managed to stay in the game until there were only three of us left. I must have been really lucky. Although, the chip leader was luckier. I went all in against him with my chips. I had a straight hand. The darn bastard had one, too. I lost at the turn of the river card. Fvcking shit.

I was aiming for first place and failed. Anyway, I had a fun time poker-ing and poker-facing people (I should be called Botox Boy.) At least, I realized I could be good at something: deceiving people. *Hisses*

Now, what to do with the whiskey? Hmm. And oh, I have a medal. Haha.

P.S. Thanks and congratulations to The UP Society of Emancipated Men. Special mention to the First Lady. Haha. I'll definitely join the next "Call or Fold" poker tournament next sem. And win.

Biter-biteran

Irreplaceable

Everything you own in the box to the left, in the closet, that's my stuff, if I bought it, please don't touch.

Since I'm not your everything, how about I'll be nothing, nothing at all to you? I won't shed a tear for you, I won't lose a wink of sleep because the truth of the matter is replacing you is so easy.

Resentment

Loving you was easy once upon a time. I just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me.

I know she was attractive, but I was here first. I've been with you for six years, why did I deserve to be treated this way by you? I know you're probably thinking what's up with me, I been crying for too long. What did you do to me? I used to be so strong. Now, you took my soul. I'm crying, I can't stop crying.

The Infatuation of Ivan Rico

Someone combo-slap me in the face, back to sanity. Now na! This feeling I've had too much, too many times in a span of, what, one year? Eek, hormonal outrage!

I've just crossed Instsik Bewa's name out my list. He can knock as much as he wants, but I'm not anymore opening my door for him. Haha. As if.

Amboy, he's done for. The fair-skinned bwitch has completely bedazzled him, and now he's like a little puppy chasing the bwitch's tail. God, save that poor puppy from the clutches of evil!

Sigh. Sixto's (help me create a better code name) not going to the poker tournament after all. So, so , so sad. Tomorrow may not be a lucky day to play. What do you think, should I call or fold? Corny, kadire! (Had I been the organizer I would've named the event "Hold or Fold". It ryhmes and sounds better. Wenk. For more epal lang.)

The Melancholy of Ivan Rico

As each day goes by, the thought of taking my own life grows more appealing. I'm pretty confident I'm still within the bounds of psychological normalcy, but my suicidal thoughts even freak me at times. If my depression perpetuates for long enough, I worry that I may reach a point where I end up realizing my morbid visions.

This depression is by far the most intense I've ever had to the point that it's already crippling me. Combine my incurable laziness and this brand of depression, and you'll have a worthless piece of existential chickenshit wallowing in self-pity and hopelessness.

It's exhausting enough dealing with my inner demons, and external, negative forces still add up to the weight of my burden. My back will break any minute. (Ay, how can that be; am I not spineless?) A broken back, a broken heart, broken everything.

Yes, I'm depressed. I want the world to care. I want the world to console me. Asa ka pa, gago! Then what?

Oh My God... Nairaos Rin ang Talent Night!

I should be posting something psycho-dramatic right now, but I've been too fvcking (Feel kong magmura, bakit?) depressed to finish it. Paradoxical, noh? Depression's what's inspired me to write, yet it's also what's been keeping me from writing.

I'll set my depression and suicidal thoughts aside for the moment. Today has been quite cheerful (cheerful?) for me to whine and to give my readers (feelingero?) migraine. I'll savor this temporary high until it lasts, until the fists of depression knock me down again.

Lalala. I had no 115 (Prof. Valcarcel really reminds me of my dead lola that's why she's close to my heart. Haha.) and 151 today. Whee! Fifteen hours of sleep equals pounding headache and sore back.

I'm too lazy to enumerate everything that happened so I'm cutting this short. Talent Night has been fairly successful. Strike out "fairly". Overconfidence. Haha. Save for the bland spaghetti.

I'm going to see again Elmer tomorrow after a very long time. (So?) And I forgot to mention, I had a very, very quick conversation with Amboy, but the bitch was beside him. Shit. Nonetheless, kilig for me.

^_^

Mico, Me Ko

I'm starstruck yet again. Kilig! It seems Elmer is plummeting further down on my dream-the-impossible-dream list. Although a magical moment cannot be denied when he was mere inches from me and my grasping gaze on the OrgPres night. At least, on my part. What do you expect from one-sided relationships?

The Disappearance of Ivantot

After all the brutal kicking and violent jamming the CPU of my PC has received from me, it finally gave in and died on me. Indefinitely. Waah!

I really, really pray that my hard drive has not been damaged. I will throw tantrums to death if I cannot anymore recover some of my most precious collections: my music and porn files.

Life without Internet connection sucks big time. It's worse than the Lenten season when nothing is aired on TV but Lenten-y programs that will bore you comatose or delude you into repentance and resolution.

Sigh. My life is shitty. My life has never been shittier. My life is shit. Period.

Until then.

Storm Coming

"If you are expecting for responsible journalism, you are reading the wrong column."

"You want something explosive? I am dropping the bomb for you."

Tetris

My life is a Tetris game destined for failure. The blocks fall at level-nine speed, yet it's not the kind of action that I look for. There are occasional, cheap thrills here and there, but I end up boring myself comatose most of the time. I let the pieces pile onto their places, not so neatly, forming gaps and holes in between. That must explain the void I feel inside. The vacuity no amount of Elmer's Glue (Yucch, talagang siningit?) can fill.

I anticipate the moment when finally the screen flashes the words "Game Over". It may be hard to stomach so I just look away, close my eyes, and fidget as I wait. O God, just push the "Off" button! (Shet, ang drama!)

I don't know where to start. I don't know where I stand. I don't know where I'm headed to. I'm so lost... in your arms, baby, lost in your a-a-arms.

Consuelo de Bobo

Sagittarius

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Not every day can offer a major turning point in your life, so (do not even) try not to have huge expectations for where this day takes you. It is always a good idea (pointless) to have specific goals, but today you also need to be realistic about where things can go. You do not have to experience disappointment as long as you keep things logical and a bit more conservative than usual. This is not the day to reach for the stars; just take things as they come and enjoy the results of your efforts.

Of Horses and of Termites

I delude myself of happy days, of harmony, and of personal gain development. Jockeying an albino stallion named Elmer is one thing, and riding a horse (that I shall refer to with female pronouns hereafter) is another thing. *Background music plays* When the light is off, then it isn't on. What very profound lyrics, noh?

As I was saying, riding her is another thing, especially when she could go berserk the moment I mount and feel her broad back between my fagotty thighs (yay to doubly double entendre and, at that, bestiality), thereby dislodging and leaving me lying on muddy ground. Worse, she could tear me into pieces then chew me up. (Dear reader, I understand you're wringing your brain right now to decipher what I'm saying here so I'll cut it out with the cryptic-ness. Besides, my metaphors are lame.)

Some people have taken seriously what recently came out of my foul mouth, and it still worries me that they have. Or have I just taken them seriously that they have taken me seriously? This early on I would like to set the record straight: No, I don't want to. No, no, no. Don't phunk with my heart (and mind).

I hallucinate, and to a certain degree, I think it is healthy. It paradoxically keeps me sane. But you know, my mental health is not that sound. Be very afraid of the catastrophe that may would happen if I were to agree to your proposition than if I were to decline. I have megalomaniac tendencies, you know. I'm just joking. You really wouldn't want an insect that feeds on wood, much more, make it your queen, would you?

Chocobot

Bigyan kita ng piso
Bili kang Chocobot sa kanto
Buksan at kainin mo
Balat nito'y iyong itago
Basahin ang nakasulat
Baka lang ika'y mamulat

I'm just stirring up things here. Moving on, Zel did her palm-reading thing on me. She only made clear that things are unclear. (Thing, thing, thing. Yay to articulateness.)

It only made clear that things are unclear.
Hmm. Here's another one.
Truth is truth hurts.
And the one-liner that takes home the trophy.
Will you choose to love someone who completes you or someone you love completely?
Or something to that effect. Either way, WTF!

Whoever authored that line should drown in liquified cheese. It implies you have to choose between two, separate persons. Can't you choose someone who completes you and, at the same time, whom you love completely? And why am I making such a fuss? I, too, should drown in liquified cheese, but only after I watch You Are the One. Yes, Elmer (a.k.a. Elle Bee Doo) , you are the one.

Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga look good together, noh? Whatever happened to the rumor that she's gay? "Magpakatotoo ka, sister," as her softdrink commercial with Piolo Pascual said (Remember?) And, yeah, that goes to you, too, Piolo.

Myx, Magnet, Meatshop

Last Tuesday night was my chance to see Elle Bee Doo play with his band, a chance that I wasted. Fortunately, it's not the last one. All along until the concert, I thought I was going with Kate and Zel. Apparently, they changed plans as one just slept with a migraine (care of Therese and her 142-ish 129 exam) and the other one met up with an Atenean "friend" (stress on the ""). Reluctantly I left the concert venue upon knowing no one would accompany me there as I shriek my lungs out a la psycho-fan girl for Elle and Elle alone. Now, it's clear what I want to do in life, be his groupie.

About what instrument he plays, I'm still clueless. If it's the keyboard or the guitar, imagine the beautiful music we can make together. Haha. Kadire! I doubt he's the vocalist, but if he is, then I'll go doubly more gaga over him, devour him in all his pasty-skinned glory. *Gags* Maybe instead of "Elle Bee Doo" I should name him "Elmer" as in, you know, Elmer's Glue. He looks squeakily clean it surprised me that he smokes. Blah blah, enough about Pasty Boy.

I went to Magnet and watched for the second time Up dharma Down perform live. There was no Dia (whose thigh I could have squeezed whenever I got excited by Armi's melisma) with me. However, all was good. Who needs Vanness Wu anyway when Wesley Gonzales, Buwi (sp? I swear he looks like Kim Rae Won) of Parokya, and handful of other cuties (pathetic word choice) are in the same room to ogle at?

The show ended around 12AM. Kate, Joan, and Zel were at Meatshop (or is it The Meatshop?); I followed. Picture them pouring Red Horse into their tall glasses and me modestly sipping bottled water. Four hours later, you'd have three, tipsy, girls barfing and a loser-ly prude holding his bottle of mineral water.

Just a Thought

Let's play Thematic Apperception.

First picture.

A pensive Kuma Chang

Against the city-landscape view, he hugs his pillow-san and stares blankly into space.

"Life is a one-way street, ain't it? If you could paint it I'd draw myself going in the right direction. So I go all the way like I really, really know, but the truth is I'm only guessing.

"It's even dark in the daytime. It's not just good, it's great depression. When I was lost I even found myself looking in the gun's direction.

"And so I tried everything but suicide. But, yes, it's crossed my mind.

"Just a thought. But I'm fine."

Random,Trivial Joys for the Day

I entered my CWTS class just in time for the roll call. Ma'am finished checking the list and, my surname wasn't at all called. Again. I was sitting at the backmost row I could barely make out anything but mumblings from her, but I was sure she didn't call out "Rico". I approached her in front to have my name checked only to find out I wasn't in the class list yet. She must have misplaced the piece of paper she asked of me one of the previous meetings. She let me on her list write my name, the minute, green squares following it all blank and clean. Which means my previous absences and tardiness were disregarded.

Inside the Katipunan jeepney, I sat in front, near the opening. Thank God the driver was not smoking. The road between Malcolm and Romulo halls was not lit well so when I looked outside to my right, a very large and definite shadow of my head was hitting the sidewalk. As I was watching my own shadow I slowly bobbed my head, and the littlest of movements translated into sizable ones for the dark silhouette. It brought me back to my childhood, the powerless nights, my standing near the yellow candle on the lobby floor, my enormous head shadow covering the ceiling.

The smell of alimuom was in the Acad Oval air. Not too intense to actually nauseate and make me throw up whatever I've eaten for dinner. Just right, addictive, even. I wonder if marijuana smells the same.

^_^

On Back to Basics

Even before Christina Aguilera's latest offering Back to Basics is released in stores, I've heard comments showing little confidence in her recent musical venture. "[...] she keeps making music the market just simply doesn't respond to." (Did I even punctuate that sentence correctly?)

I have to admit I, too, have been worrying of disappointing sales for this album since her previous singles "Tilt Ya Head Back" and "Car Wash" having somewhat similar genre as Back to Basics' have charted unsuccessfully on Billboard. Then, I came across the following interview.

Newman (interviewer): The album is very ambitious. There is the sense that you were holding nothing back.

Aguilera: I totally went to bat every single day, I put my whole heart into it. I really opened myself up a lot and I appreciate and admire artists who are ambitious and are able to really take chances and think outside of their own comfort zone. I think the only time we really pave the way for future music and to encourage future artists to be their own individual selves and to express themselves to their fullest capacity is to encourage them to think outside of that safety box. And, yeah, it can feel naked sometimes, but I think it's for the good of music sometimes and for the good of being an artist, period.

"Singer Channels A Bygone Era On Double-Disc Set" (snippet), Melinda Newman, July 24, 2006, Billboard official website. (Isn't it obvious I didn't take up English 10?)

Which reminds me of Utada Hikaru and ULTRA BLUE, a very parallel case. Well, make or break, I will be behind Back to Basics', um, back. Yay to self-important genuine musical artistry! Needless to say I still hope this record would not turn out a commercial flop.

Ooh, only two weeks left for waiting and I can finally download the album. Talk about legitimate fan support.

August Serenade

If you disappeared or even if you turned into a cat or a caterpillar, at first I'd cry a lot, but maybe eventually it'd make a good story. So today, let's talk a little longer on the phone than usual. I feel a bit guilty so I'll be nicer to you.

If you and I became friends and you gave me advice like you knew what you were talking about, I'd nonchalantly use it and then throw it in the trash. So today, let's take a walk. At night, the streets are empty. The moonlight makes most things look prettier.

So today, let's talk a little longer on the phone than usual. I feel a bit guilty so I'll be nicer to you. So today, let's take a walk. At night, the streets are empty. The moonlight makes most things look prettier.

Ha, I got you! It's the English translation of "Hachigatsu no Serenade" by Suga Shikao. In prose form. To fool you that it's another one of my cryptic entries. Haha. Had I posted the translated lyrics in its original, verse form you might not have read it in its entirety (I'm assuming you did read it in its entirety.) I know 'cause that's what I do ("Oh, verses. Next.")

Simple, happy, and unpretentious. The song may not make any sense but at least it's simple, happy, and unpretentious. Or so my complex, sad, and pretentious self thinks. Whatever. It's an insert song to an episode of the anime "Honey and Clover," season one. Since "August" is in its title and today is the first day of August, I decided to post it here. Whee! *Coughs* Excuse me.

Honey and Clover OST album art (click to enLARGE)

Mojackulapo

My life is a bore and I've run dry of creative juices. This poor blog has not been getting enough attention; it's being neglected, even. By me. I need inspiration. Sad to say even Elle Bee Doo can't provide that for me. Does that qualify him as my white elephant? How about yellow, you know? Do you think that was racist? Am I making sense? Who cares anyway? I'm digressing.

I think I am surrounded by boring people who then rub their boringness onto me. Now, I feel as bland as the colored water which they pass off as orange juice or iced tea. You know, the one usually served during poorly funded org assemblies. Or maybe it's the weather. To hell with humidity and dampness, I'm starting to look like a fungus. A millisecond passes, and now, I am, er, we are a million fungi. And still multiplying. Exponentializing? Just bonk me in the head.

Bonk bonk, he bonked me down
Bonk bonk, I hit the ground
Bonk bonk, that awful sound
Bonk bonk, my bonker bonked me down

Now, I leave things hanging and change the topic. I defy logical, coherent writing.

Wish me luck, I just might have a dinner with Elle Bee Doo on Tuesday night. It wouldn't be just the two of us, of course; it'd be a group thingy. I pray that the bitch wouldn't tag along. If you know what's good for you, better back off, bitch! Please excuse me, my delusions carry me away sometimes. Make that most of the time.

Gosh, it's already 4AM. Zzzzzz. ~__~;

I Cram, Therefore I Blog

Inspired by a friend's post. May tu Último rest in click-clackity-pressing-less peace.

I haven't even started writing my SONA reaction paper for BA 102, and I'm still less than halfway through my BA 126 readings. What's new anyway? Cram, cram, cram as I always do.

I have reached an advanced stage in cramming where the pressure just numbs me totally that I don't even try to accomplish what need/s to be accomplished. After a brief rush of adrenaline care of the guilt trip, I just sit back, relax, and watch all things crumble before me. Time and experience have heightened my threshold for disappointment and failure. The hell I care anymore. (Coherence stops here.)

At times, I just wish I'd win a million bucks so I could start my own business (or invest the money in high-return instruments because life would be easier like that). A high need for achievement, you say? I don't think so Maybe. More precisely, it's because no HR manager in his right mind would hire a crammer my type. No, I wouldn't work best under pressure. I wouldn't work, period. A complete waste of company resources, that's what I'd be. I bet that when a load of paperwork is piled on my desk I'd just stall, stall, stall and use the office connection to blog. Like what I'm doing now.

As the saying goes, "If dreams were horses, beggars losers would ride on them." I'd ride on stallion named Elle Bee Doo. WTF!

Rain, Rain, Don't Go Away

Sleep a-all, sleep all day...

Eat, stalk surf, and sleep some more.

Elle Bee Doo, I miss you!

"Elle Bee Doo" sounds like "libido".

What to do, what to do?

Download India.Arie.

Now, I'm off to sleep again study.

Eww.

I Would Rather Write a No-brainer Blog Post Like This One

For the second time, I am not writing an article for Ventures when I already had promised the features editor that I would. Zel, I now give you the right to kill me. Being a true-blooded Scorpio, you either sting me to death or you bitchslap the f*cking hell out of me (which is futile since I am the spawn of Satan).

Quoting (yet again) Ventures editor-in-chief, Ash, "After all, you [I] said yes!" Indeed, I said yes. In fact most of the time I say yes even when it is halfheartedly meant. Why? Because I'm a people-pleaser, I suppose, especially to those whom I find difficult (more like embarrassing) to turn down. Neurotic! Neurotic!

But, Zel, now that we're friendlier than friends with each other (Yucch, I am so assuming I might as well die of maling akala... lumalaki, konting gusot... *Clears throat* Excuse me.) may you find it in your heart to forgive me. "But, Ivan, you said yes not once but twice!" In GMA fashion I say, "I'm sorry." Psychotic! Psychotic!

Split personalities aside, I now am applying in ABAM. For all the wrong reasons.

"You, bitch, get away from him!"
*Turns to "him"*
"You, you get your hands off her! And stop biting your nails! Bite mine."

I also am an Aux Corps volunteer so this coming BACBACAN you'll see me wearing not a red Seniors shirt but a white one. Fine with me, I am not a "batch" person anyway. And yay to free McDo meal!

Um, what else? That's it for now, cow. Bow.

'Cause I'm Dreamin' of You Tonight

For the past weeks, I have been so there is a huge possibility that I will again tonight. But don't flatter yourself just yet, brotha. Had I mastered the art of lucid dreaming I would rather it's my dead grandparents that I see than the cold, life-sucking specter that is you.

I am not bitter and I hold no trace of grudge against you (anymore) either; it's just that a cold presence (er, absence) is really how you have been to me since my fateful freefall in the bottomless pit of shame, self-disrespect, and mental unfitness.

I remember when Vigile asked about how one escapes from the clutches of the memory of a person when one had already severed all known ties and had "erased" anything that may remind one of that person but still end up being haunted by the past. Well, I ask the same. Do any of you know the answer? Come on, tell me.

A la Lady Macbeth: Out of my subconscious, damned spot (and I reduced you to a mere spot, nyahaha), out I say! (Please?)

I went (not) after what I wanted
I went (not) after what I wanted
And (fair enough) I never really got it
But it don't matter at all (or doesn't it?)
- Nelly Furtado, "What I Wanted" chorus (my modification)

As usual, lotsa nonsense, this post is. Sigh.

No Classes Daw Tomorrow

Well, I'll just have to wait until tomorrow. You know how UP is. As my orgmate told me, she (UP) is her own community, independent from outside news and all that jazz. (Shit, did I just use that phrase?)

Tonight, I'm back to my old, squatting days. This time it'll be Kate and Zel hosting to my parasitic ways. (Uy, rhyming.) Actually, I, together with a whole bunch of HR people, spent last night (er, this morning) sleeping in Kate and Zel's unit. We stayed in Tribu two hours more after the CE Acquaintance Party. They had booze, and being the wimpy prude, I KJ-ed the night away. After Tribu, we went to Eastwood to eat again.

Sigh. It has been raining crazy(ly) and it really annoys me when the hems of my pants brush the ground and absorb the icky wetness.

(Oh my, I only have less than three minutes left so I think I'm going to edit this post some other time. Byers.)

Update: On second thought, I'll edit no further. I'm too lazy.

Deja Vu

Last Friday night, I texted Jazel that we'd meet at Jollibee, Katips. Of course, I was late and by the time I came, she's done eating her two-piece chicken dinner. I had two-piece burger steak meal and you don't really give a crap about these details so why do I keep on writing about them?

Moving on, I asked Jazel's help to Photoshop (read "'Googling' Lands in Dictionary") this sem's SPAdHoc sigsheet picture the final form of which you'll just have to behold until the sigsheets' release. While we were in Jollibee, some of her blockmates barged in and so did some people with whom "socializing" I thought was unnecessary. Good thing we were seated where they couldn't spot us. That or they also felt that interaction with us was just a waste of energy.

Oh yeah, we just watched some Utada videos and an episode of "Ouran High Host Club". Fast forward: Seattle's Best. We worked on the SPAdHoc pic until two in the morning so it was "Tokyo/New York Nights" all over again.

Blah blah. Blah blah. Blah blah.

P.S. QueseDia, good luck, good luck! Career woman na ang drama mo ngayon. On your first payday, don't you forget our dinner with Teacher Duna. :P

Zel, I wasn't able to come up with a title for the AP. Very, very zurry. :(

I was able to install a driver to one of our external modems so now I can connect to the Internet again. Woohoo!

Pormalan

Sheeet! I accidentally edited my "Demodem" post to this! Sheeet! Bobo, bobo, bobo!

CWTS

Prof. Jardiolin was still calling the roll (I've just invented a phrase here), but, unfortunately, she was already shouting out the "V" surnames when I came in class today. It was only a ten-minute tardiness on my part, but, as far as she's concerned, it was counted as an absence. Sh*t. And she allows only three absences. Exceed that and she'll give you an "F".

I wouldn't have attended anymore the class since I was already marked absent if not for the reason that all the groups were to report their CWTS project concepts. Besides, I went through a lot of trouble dressing myself in business attire it would have been a waste, my yuppie bs look, if I didn't stay.

CE Applicants' Orientation

App, App, and Defer Away! Ain't I brilliant? Okay, fine. Ain't my ideas brilliant? Yes, my ideas brilliant. Please let me indulge in self-flattery. It's rare (Who the hell is this conceited a**hole kidding?) instances like this I get to bloat my often, so deflated self-esteem.

At last, baked spaghetti, you found your way through CE. I should tell you, though, that my sincere and long, um, longing for you was quickly replaced by superficial pagka-umay only to be superseded again by my deep-seated longing (more like katakawan) for you.

Congrats, Kat! Heya it'z you. Haha. Oh, ocean deep...

Gala

Alpha, Lubert, Levs, Virge, Leslie, National Youth Commission, Galleria, Time Zone, Abby, Mang Jimmy's...

11:44 PM, in an Internet shop on Philcoers. My butt is already sore. It must be the chair I'm sitting on. I should go home. But a chair is not a house, a house is not a home when no one's there to turn the key (me?)...

So bomalabs.

De-Demodem

Demodem
Waah! The CPU modem of our PC in Pampanga is not working and I can't fix it. (Jayers, I need help!) I wasn't able to update my poor blog over the weekend as was planned.

All I was able to savage from my "Demodem" post. (No) Thanks to my Kinja account.

Loser

Last night, Norman asked if I could be a lifter for our batch's BACBACAN cheerdance, and in response, I asked if they, my batchmates, are out of their minds and are that desperate to even invite me to do such a task. Hello, I can barely twist a cap off a C2 bottle or tear open a bag of chips, and they want me to raise someone most probably heavier than I, an underweight weakling, am? Are they mocking faggotry (pun intended)?

Time has come that I again need to strap my belt on when wearing my pants lest they fall off. The padding of fat I've grown around my waist during the summer vacation I was able to lose in just two, school weeks of not eating. It's not that I'm starving myself to further waif-dom but it's a bit hard eating healthily when I'm away from home where food in the ref and the pantry are just morsels of Tic Tac to me (as if gluttony isn't unhealthy).

Anyway, the semester, so far, has been smooth-sailing, and I'll strive to keep it that way. And oh, I just realized that during MTh, I attend Terminals and Seniors classes (as the BA curriculum says I should); during TF, I am one with the Juniors; and during, W(S) I turn into a Sophie. How fascinating, noh? (How loser-ly.)

Jasmin

The Madame struck terror in this faint heart of mine. I trembled and palpitated as if I was seconds away from that major stroke that fatefully would invalid me for the rest of my aimless, inconsequential existence.

However, for me to even reach that point, the first five minutes of class she spent telling-off-slash-bitching-on-slash-humiliating poor, clueless students unsuspecting of the scourging awaiting them was rather short (unlike this sentence). God, never will I absent or be late for class again.

After that, all went well. I even read in front of her and the whole class the chapter summary paper my groupmates and I picked to present. Actually, I volunteered because, one, I had no paper to contribute to our group (I was absent the previous meeting, okay) and, two, because I thought it was an ingenious way to get on the good side of (in short, suck up to) Madame.

Enough

I want to get away.

And cuss, "Shut the f*ck up!"

I can put up and stay.

But it is unhealthy.

You wish I am not yours?

The feeling is mutual.

Label me ungrateful.

Who said I wanted you?

Just shoot me in the head.

I would be happier.

First Week, First Sem

After speaking in the most courteous tone and flashing wide, puppy eyes, I was able to prerog three BA electives and finally have enlisted eighteen units. Whew. Now I just have to return the book I borrowed during summer and pay the fine due to complete my enrollment for the sem.

I have six subjects and four professors all in all. BA 115 and BA 126 (thanks to Alpha for giving me her slot) under Prof. Valcarcel and BA 102 and BA 175 under Prof. Alba. I hear not-so-good comments from people about them; I'll just have to see by myself if they're true. I am also taking up BA 151 under Imelda's doppelganger Prof. Acuna (who was less harsh and intimidating than I expected, maybe it's because of her sickness) and BA 192 under Mr. Aseoche (pronounce it with me: a'-se-o'-che), an Entrep course where we have to execute our business plans before the end of the sem. That means investing money and earning profits (net loss equals failing grade). So much for not taking Feasib.

This sem also, I no longer am a resident of Narra. All reserved slots were taken so those in the waitlist, including me, were not accommodated. Oh well, it's all my fault, not securing a slot early on. I'll just have to try again next sem. Forunately, with the help of my friend Tin (Bruha ka, maraming, maraming salamat!), I found a decent boarding house in Krus na Ligas (In fairness, it has not one but two TV sets with cable channels). I will be moving in on Monday. Super thanks, too, to Gian and the 1508 Roommates and to Judy and the Conti Sisters for allowing the homeless, palaboy me to stay in their places the past three days. :D

On a musical note, I just finished downloading Ultra Blue by Utada Hikaru. I love! Not surprisingly, it has been doing very well in the Oricon (Japanese counterpart of Billboard). Currently, I'm downloading Loose by Nelly Furtado. I really have high respect for singers who can and do write songs. Future download projects: Back to Basics by Christina Aguilera (August, 2006) and B'day by Beyonce (September, 2006).

Darling, darling, ah
Questions make me blue
Darling, darling, ah
Tell me something good

P.S. Thanks to Dia for the strawberry jam and to Judy for the souvenir keychain. And oh, I didn't attend the showing of Kubrador because I had no one to accompany me. Jazel had a 150-page reading to be discussed in class the following day; Dia had an interview, also the following day. Miss Jessica Zafra, I will see you someday. It's fated.

I Won! We Won!

From Twisted by Jessica Zafra:

Free Movie!

There will be a preview of Kubrador, the new film by Jeffrey Jeturian, on Thursday, June 15, 7.30pm at Greenbelt 3, Cinema 1, Ayala Center, Makati. Kubrador covers three days in the life of a jueteng collector played by Gina Pareño. It will be screened in competition at the Moscow Film Festival later this month. The preview is for the cast, crew, and friends of the production. I will put you plus one companion on the guest list if you can answer this question: Which film by Jeffrey Jeturian was in competition at the Venice Film Festival in 2001? Email your answer to jessica.zafra@gmail.com; first five to send in the correct answer get free admission for two.

They got it. Okay, please stop emailing your answers. If you wrote Tuhog, you are correct, but the first five to email were Nelson Macaalay, Ivan Rico, Kathleen Reyes, Dianne Lagrimas, and Joy Jamago. Their answers were all in before 4am.

Kate won and she didn't have to lift even a single finger. It was all my strategic scheming. Nyahaha! >:) I knew her UP Webmail password so I used her account to email another entry to the World Dominatrix's little contest.

Independence Day Post

Grabe, that "Captain Barbell" show ha, it's a nothing but a second-rate, trying-hard, copycat! *Throws cabernet sauvignon to Richard Gutierrez then licks his dripping wet face before ultimately devouring him whole* Yum, yum, slurp! Haha.

Well, you can definitely call the show a stinking copycat (Hello, "Smallville"?), but second-rate, I don't think so. Since its debut, the show has been hogging primetime viewership (and kicking the nasal Sarah Geronimo's butt) with a usual forty-plus percent rating.

GMA has been on a roll thrashing ABS-CBN for more than a year now. I hope this just goes on and on. And below I've posted something to add insult to Kapamilya injury (and in no way am I referring to the Ultra stampede). Haha.

AGB Nielsen Overnight Ratings
June 1, 2006 Thursday

24 Oras 29.7%
TV Patrol World 19.6%;

Captain Barbell 42.2%
Bituing Walang Ningning 25%;

Majika 42.7%
Sa Piling Mo 27.2%;

I Luv NY 38%
My Girl 24.3%;

Love of the Condor Heroes 31.9%
PBB Teen Edition 24.8%;

Jewel in the Palace 34.7%
Wonderful Life 13.5%

Source: Pinoy Rickey

Tonight, it's the second to the last episode of "Jewel in the Palace". Tears. :(

P.S. I'm homeless indefintely for the semester (Huh,did that make sense?), and I think I'm developing a sore throat. *Coughs*

Si Shawie, Freshie sa UP

2006-81068, that is the Megastar's student number. She's going to take up an Associate in Arts degree program under the UP Open University. If you're doubtful, see this for yourself; she's seventy-sixth on the list under her legal name Pangilinan, Sharon Cuneta. In fact, she even notched second in the Undergraduate Assessment Test or UgAT (the entrance exam) in her batch of fifty examinees.

I wouldn't have known had I not watched her being interviewed by Jessica Soho on "Kapuso Mo". I love you, Shawie! Haha. Sharonian? You bet I am.

Paranoid Klutz

The other night I had this strange dream where I was sitting near the edge of a roof. With great caution I restrained movement lest the roof would collapse and I would fall (I have acrophobia, you see.) Then a bird that looked like an oversized raven suddenly appeared out of nowhere. With its wide, majestic wings it glided in circles much like how a scavenging vulture would atop an animal seconds away from being a carcass. In the dream I felt as if I was that dying animal because every minute or so the bird flew towards me and pecked ferociously. In one of its attacks, it managed to tear a tiny piece of flesh off my leg. Of course, in defense, I shooed the bird away but I also kept worrying that the roof would give to my movement any moment.

Why am I writing about this? Because a while ago the plate I was taking out of the microwave slipped off my grip by accident and shattered on the floor. A bad omen? This incident and my dream, are they signs of bad worse things to come, or am I just a klutz gone paranoid because of excessive wakefulness?

Oh, Men

Yup, yup, I watched Omen tonight at SM North with Alpha, Gil, Levs, and Virge. The movie was okay. My favorite scenes include the gruesome and gory suicide/death scenes and the disturbing dreams, er, nightmares that remind me of those grotesque oddities in The Cell.

As for my enrollment, I don't want to talk about it. It'll only intensify my pounding headache if I do.

Yawn. I think I'll go sleep now. Today has been a long, tiring day. Good night.

Ay, Mali

I thought yesterday was the second day of enrollment in UP, the first day for non-graduating and non-freshie students. I'm such a dumdum. Haha.

And no, I can't get myself to sleep. What was I thinking? I rolled around in bed every minute for three, consecutive hours. After which, I finally gave up and heated in the microwave my very early breakfast.

Thanks to the Internet, I've pretty much altered my biological clock. I am awake during the "unnatural" hours of the day and asleep when the sun is annoyingly radiant. I'm a monster. Nyahaha. >:) Of course, it will have to take some days before I fully adjust my body clock back to the way it used to be, the way that allowed me to interact with and live among normal human beings.

Now, with the nine-hours sleep un-sleep-able, I suppose I'll just have to rely on cold press to tame my raging eyebags. I hope it works.

At Hindi nga Ako Bumalik ng UP

Tomorrow I will, promise! Sigh. I'm a hopeless case. How and when will I find the courage, the motivation, and most of all, the strength and the discipline to change for my own good? May ganyon?!

How about tonight? Yes, tonight I will sleep before twelve o'clock so I can have enough rest in preparation for tomorrow's grueling task. Not to mention, it will alleviate the chances of having dark, swollen, zombie eyebags that may frighten the hell out of people.

Kayang kaya kung may pag-asa! Hindi ba? (Kadire!)

Ayaw Ko Pang Bumalik ng UP

Sigh. Tomorrow's school registration for the first semester and I'm not at all excited. If I can freeze time, I will, just to postpone going back to that dreadful place that'll eventually suck the life out of me. I'd rather laze at home, living like a fat pig. Eating, sleeping, eating, and sleeping. Maybe it's because of the fact that I took summer classes that I'm still not in the mood to impose academic stress upon my stress-averse self.

Anyway, the world won't stop spinning just because of a self-centered ass like me. That's why this evening I finally got out of the house to get a haircut and... Waah! The barber-ian butchered my hair. Only when I got back home did I realize it. God, my hair really looks awful I only can wallow in self-pity. So in the event that you see me tomorrow in UP, I beg you, please be easy on me. Haha.

I seriously doubt that this sem's registration will turn out to be anything except torture. All I can say is "Give it to me, baby!" The enrollment process has never been kind to perennial shiftees like me. Sh*t, the CRS enlisted me in only one class. How pathetic is that?

Sigh. That'll be enough ranting for now (and I haven’t even mentioned my eyebags. Ugh!)

Hey, You, Lady in Bangkok

But before that, as I type this, I can help but cringe seeing and hearing former PBB housemates from all editions lip-synching together on live TV. It's so excruciating I just had to set the volume of my headphones to maximum. I'd rather have my ears bleed than endure the embarrassment I feel for them (housemates).

Moving on, a young woman is in Bangkok right now shopping to her heart's content.

Hey, miss, nope, I didn't see it coming. I guess it's never too late for an out-of-the-country summer (?) trip, huh? Is this just a spur-of-the-moment thing?

As for my pasalubong, a plain souvenir shirt would do. Just make sure the sleeves are long enough to cover my elbows. Haha. If you have something better in mind, go buy it. Who am I to complain?

I hope you and your family enjoy your stay there until it lasts. Have a safe trip back home. :)

P.S. What does "Sawadi ka" mean?

Won Bin's Discharge...

From his military service (what were you thinking, huh?) is one and a half years too early (whee!) due to "a rupture of his anterior cruciate ligament" (boohoo, whatever that is!) He already has undergone surgery after which he has been wearing a knee brace and is now continuing rehabilitation. Complete recovery will take one year, at the least, that is why we Won Bin fans will not see him in a Korean drama or film any time soon. That sucks! For the entire article, click here.

Won Bin. Sigh.

Aww, poor Binny. :( Let us just be grateful that a knee injury was all he suffered from and not something that could have involved, say, amputating his limb or damaging his perfectly chiseled bone structure. Because those'll surely slash a million pogi points from him. Haha. How shallow can I get?

Another Excuse to Post Lee Dong Wook Photos

"My Girl" screencap

Too bad "I Luv NY" and "My Girl" share the same time slot. Have they not gone alternately into commercial breaks I wouldn't have watched "I Luv NY" last night; otherwise, I would've ditched Marvin and Jolens for Lee Dong Wook and Lee Da Hae. That girl really is an effective (romantic) comedienne. She gets me chuckling and giggling uncontrollably the same way Lee Dong Wook gets me swooning over his matinee-idol visage every time I watch "My Girl".

Lee Dong Wook and Lee Da Hae

Here's a cropped image of a The King and Clown poster. What did I say, isn't Lee Jun Ki pretty? Haha. Click to view entire poster.

Lee Jun Ki

The other day I planned going to SM Clark too see Jolina Magdangal in person (she had a mall tour.) One should give in to his inner jologs sometimes, you know. I was lucky not to push through because apparently, a lot, and I mean a lot, of Jolens' fans thronged the mall to have a glimpse of their idol.

And yes, SM Clark houses a Go Nuts Donuts branch (according to Kate). Whee! I just wish I could muster enough industry to get out of the house.

(Images stolen from Soompi Forums)