Just Push Play

When Christmas stops being merry and when New Year, even your own birthday, stops being happy, what's the best way to celebrate them? Don't celebrate at all.

When optimism becomes tiring and when forever looking at the brighter side is starting to blind you, where do you turn to? Cynicism and sarcasm is the way to go. Whee. Yay. Happy joy, joy.

When you waste away sulking in your own dark corner, what does Fate do? It just stares and sings at you.

My, my baby blue
Yeah, I been thinkin' 'bout you
My, my baby blue
Yeah, you're so jaded
And I'm the one that jaded you

All I Want for the Holiday Season

Is to get fat. And Zoloft. Or Halcion.

Off Limits Tayo Diyan

He restricted his Friendster accountsss. This is unacceptable! It's infuriating, it's outrageous! I'm suspecting somebody tipped him off on all the stalking I've been doing on him.

I'm fetching Pepper Parental vibes here. Whoever you are, you know what; you're making me throw tantrums. You're baaad! Thanks to you I now won't be able to finish writing my book: The *Bleep* Manual: All I Need to Learn about *Bleep* I Learn from Ivan. That kid has a lot of admirers, you know, most of them not as well-versed in stalking as I am. For that you owe me millions what with the royalties I have to forego. What's that I'm hearing; you're concerned? Well, concern your granny's ass! I say you're selfish (and I'm irrational.)

But then, I may be overreacting. And barking at the wrong tree. He must've (been love, but it's over now... wenk) noted the sharp increase in his page traffic attributable to viewer Anonymous (That's me, that's me!) hence the unexpected restriction.

Oh well. Kid, you don't know who you're running away from. >:)

Pilipit

This upset stomach's been, um, upsetting me to say the least. It's excruciating, it's gut-wrenching. It's as if my intestines are being stretched and pulled back and forth. This must be how having a colonic feels like. Or being butt-fucked. (Yes, I just said "butt-fucked", prude.) I've abdicated "the throne" so many times now because all I've done sitting there is to contort like a circus freak and frown like a clown (Huh?), but "the kingdom" just keeps on calling me back. Haha. Ouch. :(

I can't trace what food possibly might have caused this diarrhea dilemma. It started two days ago, a day after I got here in Pampanga. All I know is I've been eating three, hefty meals daily (which is more than my usual diet because I rarely have breakfast) in my quest to conquer Twigdom. But that'll be in my next post. Until then. I think it's safe to take in my loperamide medication now according to Trivia Mistress Noella Omaga.

Ang Babata Namin (Noon)!

From the UP CE Members and Officers Day Out [MODO, the first (and the most controversial) ever]

God, those eyebags look awful! And look how scrawny I was (and still am).

Sigh. Memories. If I could just press rewind, I would.

WTF Is This?

How the hell did my name get here?

What Christmas?

Let the ground crack open and swallow me wholly, until the last traces of me are thrown into oblivion.

I'm pretty much busted right now thanks to Ben Brian Kalaw. Killing him would be pointless (and impossible anyway) so in a distressing situation where I stand now, I'd just act how a mature grown-up would, that is, I'd resign to loathing BBK as long as the thought of my little secret being open to the last person whom I'd want to know about it elicits cringes that drain the life out of my frail body. *Inhales*

Since that stupid acquaintance party, it's more of awkwardness than of kilig I feel each time I see him (not BBK, of course). I might as well die of it (the awkwardness).
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It's as if I'm exactly in the same state I was one year ago. Depressed. Helpless. Pathetic. Listening to sad songs doesn't help alleviate the feeling. (Duh!)

I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache...

I just keep going round and round and round in circles, keep on tumbling down...

I went after what I wanted, and I never really got it, but it doesn't matter at all...

Why do all good things come to an end...
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I wish that I may break away from the shackles that keep me in the darkness, that I may still be able to see the light of New Year's Day.

The Armchair

An online quiz says that I think I know more than everyone else, and that maybe I do. That then again, maybe I don't. That they (the quiz authors) are scared that I'm just sitting back and judging without throwing my hat in the ring. ("Because love is like boxing," they ask.) That all they're saying is that I need to let a few people into my life, just to round things out.

That I also might want to stop being evil. That my seduction style is a little too dark for them to feel good about. That one might say that I'm a black hole of scary disillusion and Satanism. That one might also suggest getting a puppy.

Flavor of the Month

For the time being, my lonely world is revolving around him. As I've mentioned in my previous post, I've already located his Friendster accounts. All four of them. And I'm so proud of myself for doing an excellent job in stalking. At times I even amaze myself at the skills I have developed or at the lengths that I go to just to satisfy my stalkee-information needs.

Do I creep you out? Haha.

He puts a smile on my face, and he's not even aware of it. Oh, the joy (and agony) of one-sided relationships. People prod, but I ain't ready yet. I never will be. There's to much immaturity and too much insecurity issues I have to deal with. Let's rephrase that. There's too much immaturity and too much insecurity issues with which I have to deal. Better.

Lovesickness. S-O-S, please someone help me. It's not healthy for me to feel this...

Pagkatapos?

Hi there to no one in particular.

So we, the CE-JFA-SE-Men slash the Green Grenades won in the BACBACAN. At least in the event every org/team has been aspiring most to win: cheerdance. Whee! Although it could have been better if we placed first in the other games, it's good enough, and I think I'm not speaking only for myself but for the whole team as well, that we bagged the cheerdance championship. That makes it CE's fourth consecutive and my first time very worth all of the muscle pains and late-night practices. Besides, I had another perk for attending the practices. *Winks* (Oh my god, I feel the blood rushing to my head!)

They say I look like him. Save for the thick eyebrows and long eyelashes I really can't see the resemblance, but if I were to become handsome, I wouldn't mind sharing his visage. And that would be a bad case of narcissism. Imagine being attracted to someone who looks like you. Eek! Again, I wouldn't mind as long as I'm drop-dead gorgeous (which isn't the case, thanks to my genes.)

Now that BACBACAN is over, I won't get to see him every night anymore. And it sucks because I feel so helpless (Thanks to Joan and Kat I finally found his Friendster accountsss.) Lovesickness. It makes me want to puke. Talking about it makes me want to puke. I apologize but I just have to catch up on the petty, high-school emotions I suppressed when I was in high school. I thought love was corny, pathetic, and overrated then. I still do.

I'm not making any sense so enough.
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What do you know; I just turned twenty last week. (So what?)

If there was one thing I'd regret the most, it's that I was born (May lurking drama underneath?) The world or at least the people who know me now, would be better off without me. Seriously. What's the point of living anyway, living itself? Relationships? Love? God? I don't know. Whatever it is, I feel it's not worth the trouble. Wala lang.
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In one week it's Christmas vacation, in three the year ends. Before you know it the semester is over.