Up Dharma Down

Jazel and I met up at Chix & Treats to discuss details of the CE Induction Ball this Friday, after which we went to Rustan’s. She bought some stuff, I bought Choco Baby, and we stalked her Econ 151 professor. When we were already outside, I noticed the fluorescent signboard of Magnet and read “Up Dharma Down” (UDD) on it. “Shet, I wanna watch!”

Since I was bored, as usual, and was thinking of ways to kill time, I dragged Jazel with me to Magnet. I asked the waiter and he said the ticket costs P150 and that the show would start in thirty minutes (It was 9PM). I bought one ticket. Very spur-of-the-moment.

Fast forward. I asked Dia to accompany me. She agreed (after me telling her that this would be our last and all that drama). The first band, Daydream Cycle, started playing at 10:30. Their music was okay, dreamy as the band’s name suggested, filled with synthesizers much like UDD’s. I believe I already caught once on MTV their music video.

After four songs or so, it was UDD’s turn. God, was I excited I kept squeezing Dia’s thigh to contain myself! The band, especially Armi, exceeded my expectations. She impressed the crowd with her voice (my mouth was open the whole time.) She could belt and she could do difficult riffs as if she were black. I love her!

I know only two of their songs, “Maybe” and “Pag-agos” (my current fave) since these already have music videos, but I enjoyed their whole set. I am definitely buying their album Fragmented (unless my friend lends me her CD). Too bad copies are sold out and new ones will not be released until next week.

Up to this moment, my heart still beats rapidly. Even if I wasn’t able to consume the free beer that came with the ticket, UDD was still worth every peso! Armi's left arm brushed my back. I also saw Rock Drilon and his and Ces Orena-Drilon's (are they annulled or just separated?) son.

To finish, I quote a line from their song “Oo”.

Malas mo ikaw natipuhan ko. More like Malas KO ikaw natipuhan ko. Haha.

Penguin Proportions

I looked at the mirror, I saw my face, and it is as if it had been stung by a dozen killer bees. No, I don’t think it’s because of my newly cut hair. Just this morning after pressing my pair of pants, I tried it on, and just to zip the, um, zipper and button the, um, button I had to suck in my guts.

After just a week of living a pig’s life, I can’t believe I would gain fat this quickly and in all the wrong places. I am starting to look like Mojacko or that penguin the neck of which I would happily slit.

Hmm, what exactly have I been (not) doing to swell this much? Let’s see.

1.) I scavenge the ref for food every hour. Eating more than three times a day keeps me from being super bored. Even if it’s the leftover from yesterday’s dinner or the processed meat (name it: hotdog, ham, tocino, longganisa) inside the freezer, I don’t care just as long I have something to stuff down my throat.

2.) I drink five beer mugs of hot Milo a day. I think I am already developing an addiction for Milo. I will sue Nestle for truckloads of Koko Krunch and Crunch if I find out Milo contains caffeine. (Imagine having sugar rush and being high on caffeine at the same time. Happy!)

3.) I slouch in front of the computer the rest of the time. While semi-lying on the ergonomic chair that I turned practically into a bed, I eagerly wait for new feeds from the sites and blogs I religiously read. Tip: Instead of watching the news, catch the same migraine by reading hate posts of warring bloggers.

So if you want to hit two birds with one stone, getting fat while ensuring your slot in hell, just do what I do. Gluttony and sloth to the max!

Bye

Jazel took this picture of Eva, Kring, and me during the CE Tribute Night. I call it the Very Happy Picture for obvious reasons. Every time I see this picture, I laugh convulsively. I cannot recall the reason but whatever it was, it made us seem like we were having the time of our lives.

On closer inspection, that is just me in my everyday psychotic state, only with cerebral palsy (Look at my hand!) That is Eva, a retardate on the verge of a seizure, and that is Kring in the middle of a stroke.

At the first sight of teary eyes, I hastily got up from where I was sitting and headed towards the balcony. I couldn’t just handle it when people go emotional and PDA-ey; it makes me cringe. I was never the touchy-touchy type. Maybe it’s because of how I was brought up. Besides, the air was cooler at the balcony.

After a few minutes, Jazel, Eva, and Kring followed me because someone was prodding them to speak in front of the CE people. Apparently, they didn’t want to so they sneaked out. While the others were getting tributey and all, we spent the rest of the time shamelessly taking pictures of ourselves near the CR, inside the elevator, and in the ground lobby.

It’s just a matter of days before the sem ends. That means saying goodbye to those whom I’ve grown to love and care for. Those who (have no choice but to) accept me for who I am. Tears. (Now who’s getting emo?) Farewell, my fag hags. I will surely miss you. :(

Nonsense

It has been a week, the longest I’ve gone without a post. My avid reader—myself (Yes, I have so much time to kill I read my own blog. From cover to cover. Daily. Thrice.)—wait no more because I am back with an entry.

Seriously, I’ve contemplated deleting this account. I can’t think of anything to write albeit the disturbing thoughts that have been swimming inside my head. Moreover, even if I find a way to put these thoughts into words, I might get caught in deep crap again. I’ve learned my lesson the heart-wrenching and self-destructive way.

I am nearing the finish line, but the race has left me drained and bruised all over. As soon as the vacation starts, I’ll buy myself an oxygen tank and a metal plate. They just might come in handy this summer and next school year. Distance and stealth is the key.

Reader, do not take this seriously. God! I’m so fudging bored maybe I’m just messing with your mind. Maybe.

悲しさ

Some of you may wonder what in Japanese or Korean songs makes me listen to them. You might argue that I don’t even understand any of these languages. You are right. However, let me tell you, aside from the fact that I tend to be not like everybody and that I am a geek (the anime-loving type), lyrics are only secondary consideration to me.

The main reason I like a song is its total sound: the instruments and the artist’s voice. Very attentively, I take note of every element and layer of instruments played in a song. Japanese pop songs have their distinct synthetic sound that becomes richer when blended with organic sound. I am also particular with the vocal quality of the singer. The singing voice can convey emotions as effectively as the lyrics to a song do. The same goes with a song’s music or melody or whatever it is called.

Sadness is addictive and I get an overdose of it whenever I listen to, umm, sad songs. Even if the song is in a language I don’t speak or is stripped of all its lyrics and the singer just hums, I can still empathize (while drowning in self-pity.)

(This supposed to be the introduction in the entry I originally intended to make. It ended up being an entry in itself.)

Dia the Cam Whore

Sour Cream on the Rotten Cake

The thought of it is enough to make me barf. I wonder how two Yum with Mushroom and Cheese burgers, a Pizza Meat Pie, a pint of Coffee Jelly Special, together with some amount of digestive juices will look like in puke form.

Do I really have to eat this cake? Can’t I just run away again, as I always do? If only I could cut my leash. No amount of will will keep me from always going back.

Office 2007

I want this. I cannot have it. RAM. I need more RAM.

Self-induced Nightmare

I am dying to wake up from the nightmare this semester has been. I know I have been saying this for the nth time already, in my entire stay in UP, but I really swear this sem has been the worst by far.

Academically, I have been in my most delinquent mode. I never imagined that I would drop not one, not two, but three subjects (one PE) in one sem. But I just did. Beat that! My mother will disown me if she finds out about this. At the least, she will nag at me until my ears bleed and I faint from the guilt. I am so, so disappointed with myself. I have rid myself of the chance to graduate with honors. Tears. As if dropping three subjects is not enough, I think I will have my first ever 5.00 this sem. Give it to me, baby!

What is happening to me? Why did I lose the drive to study hard, to be OC, and to be GC? Is it because I have grown tired of proving my worth and myself? But I have proven nothing yet. Maybe I should see a doctor, my laziness is getting the best of me, much to my damage, like leprosy gradually eating me up. Or is this karma? Laugh all you want, laugh your heart out. Laugh until you’ve burned so many calories I’ll stop laughing at all the weight you’ve gained this past few months. I deserve that.

I would be more than pleased to end this sem already. Shame on me if I wouldn’t make the best out of the new, clean slate given me after this. Summer classes will see the new, improved, and bionic me. KKK: keser kung keser! Promises? What else can I give myself and the people that matter to me?

I keep waking up only to discover that I brought myself in another nightmare. I cannot keep waking up all my life.

Proactiv™ with Trosyd™

I cannot disagree that You is one of the best, but now I, being the unfair person that I am, can help except assume that You is also one of the worst. If that’s good or not, I don’t know. I am not the one to judge. I like to think I am not self-righteous. Hello? I openly admit that I have no morals and no principles. Haha. Oh no, does that mean You and I are the same? I don’t think so. You is definitely better.

I commend You for You’s believability and sympathy-seeking skills. But I think You miscalculated. That one miscalculation cost You one. Or much. Or “many”? Still I am uneasy and fearful. Paranaoia and Silence do not go together, and if they were the last two left on Earth, they still wouldn’t.

I will just wait. Wait, I cannot just wait. I will do more. Discreetly. Like You does. Haha.

(Did I say "discreetly"? Who in the hell am I kidding?)

Vacuum

I held back a little too much. Then I was left with agony.

I held back a little too much. Then I was left with resentment.

I held back a little too much. Then I was left with shame.

I held back a little too much. Then I was left with ambiguity.

I held back a little too much. Now I am left with nothing.

Excuse My Korean

For two hours straight, I was reading this: summary to “Jewel in the Palace” (Jewel) episodes, thirty-six through fifty-three. I started at 2AM, and by 3AM, my eyes were already red and teary from the strain. Nonetheless, I kept reading it like scratching an itch, it felt so good I couldn’t stop.

I cannot wait to get my hands on a (pirated) set of “Jewel” VCDs and watch it over the summer. Without interruption.

Just this week I went into my dorm's TV area, in time for “Jewel”. After the opening credits, another dormer came in. He got the remote and switched the station to channel five. He said he’d just see if “American Idol” was already showing. I thought the arrangement would be that he'd switch the station to 5 only when it’s ‘”Jewel's” commercial break. It was the other way around. That jerk! I was hyperventilating the whole time. In my head, I kept banging the remote control to the his hideous face.

But nothing beats this.

“Last September, a young housewife jumped into the river in Nanjing, China, after quarreling with her husband. After being rescued out of the water, the wife told the policemen that she had been angry at her husband for changing the TV channel to watch a soccer match, just when ‘Daejanggeum,’ [Jewel in the Palace] a popular Korean TV drama was about to begin.

“‘I had warned him that I would really jump into the river if he wouldn't let me watch the drama, but he didn't believe me,’ the shivering housewife had said…”- Shin Hae-in

Source: Soompi Forums

Other news: Daniel Henney stars in “Spring Waltz” by director Yun Suk-ho. The romantic drama is the fourth installment to the “season tetralogy”, which includes “Autumn Fairytale”, “Winter Sonata”, and “Summer Scent”.

Daniel Henney

Daniel Phillip Henney (born November 28, 1979, Korean: 다니엘 헤니) is a South Korean actor. His father, Phillip, is an American of British descent, and his mother, Christine, is an American of Korean descent. However, there are some sources that argue that Daniel's father is of mixed Irish and Native American descent.

Henney debuted as a model for several Korean and foreign ads. Of late, Henney co-starred in the Korean hit drama, "My Name is Kim Sam Soon". His talents were soon recognized and well received playing alongside Korean actress-singer Jeong Ryeo Won, who exhibited a doctor/patient relationship with Kim in the drama.

Source: Wikipedia

Simple and Clean

Trivia: The usual bathroom to dormer ratio in Narra is 1:50. A bathroom has two sinks, four toilets, and six (four functional) shower cubicles. The 1:50 ratio is no big deal since dormers do not use the bathroom all at the same time, although queues form around 8AM.

There is this bathroom, however, intended only for two maintenance personnel and a security guard. This is where I secretly bathe.

I don’t know why but every time I take my morning shower, I feel so perky and giggly. Maybe it’s the cool water against my skin. Maybe it’s the fact that I am alone in the bathroom. No one will hear and mind my singing and monologues/"autodialogues". Haha.

Morning baths make me feel simple and clean. The water washes the misery, worries, insecurities, the negativity down the drain, even just temporarily. Just what I need to keep my sanity.

Simple and Clean (snippet)
by Utada Hikaru

When you walk away
You don’t hear me say please
Oh baby, don’t go
Simple and clean is the way that you’re making me feel tonight
It’s hard to let it go

Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings the future doesn’t scare me at all
Nothing’s like before

If only I could have someone to make me feel the same. I am not asking for much, a friend will do fine.

On second thought, maybe it is too much to ask. I guess I will just have to get used to feeling shitty at the end of each day.

Vallots and Baxes

My dream of being part of the Comelec finally came true. No, not for CE, but for the BAC. Bitter?

Dia asked me two days ago if I wanted to staff the BAC Comelec since the sub-unit she belonged to had a vacancy because one, her friend, backed out. Since the counting would be on a Tuesday night, I said yes. Better than rotting inside my dorm room doing nothing.

We were required to wear white but the only shirt left in my closet was black. I just decided not to man the voting booth yesterday. Around lunchtime, Dia texted me that their sub-unit was already complete. I wasn't needed anymore. Sad.

Then I saw Jeds. She told me that she wouldn't be able to stay late for the counting of ballots. I volunteered to replace her. I was already under Leah Miranda.

By 6PM, I returned to Narra to get my clean laundry from the labandera. I changed my shirt to white and hurried back to BA. Then I voted.

After 7PM, we proceeded to the third floor rooms to start officially the counting. Chris, Rubie, and I were in the same sub-unit handled by Leah. Our sub-unit was in charge of the ballot boxes of the BA sophomores and of the MBA.

The counting process was fun. There were formalities and rules we broke anyway. Like not talking to each other unless necessary. We were only allowed and required to say "box" when the tally of the votes of a candidate reached five or a multiple thereof. One, two, three, four. "Box." Six, seven, eight, nine. "Box."

I think the sophies had the second highest voter turnout. MBA, the second lowest. We were all laughing while reading and tallying the MBA votes. "No votes" and "abstain" beat the other candidates in some positions. Most of them obviously guessed and based their votes on how good the candidates' surnames sounded. Haha.

By the time our sub-unit finished counting, the others, including Dia's, who were in charge of the USC ballots, were still recounting because there were discrepancies between the tallies on the manila papers and on the tallying sheets.

By 11PM, almost all were finished and Carlo Rieza bought pizzas for everyone. Free food!

Next year, I will make sure I will be promoted as a Comelec Representative. If not for CE, for the BAC. ;p

You Have Me

How can I be sensitive and insensitive at the same time?

When you asked me during YEC I told you I still didn’t know. That as much as possible rationality would determine my choice. That was how I decided last year, and until now, I don’t regret it. That was how I felt and you said you were a bit hurt.

This morning while I was in the shower, I kept on thinking and rethinking about your question and my reply. I realized how insensitive I was to say those things. That was how I felt (or thought) but I should have just kept silent. You weren’t hurt just a bit.

At the tambayan, you told me you wanted to talk to me. After all these come to pass. That time my mind was finally made up. You have me. I told you so. You asked, “What happened to us?” Tears ran down your face. I just awkwardly smiled.

What happened to us? I don’t know.

Asawa ni Malou

It was just Leah, Jade, Dia, and I. Jeds didn’t come, I knew it. Eva and Jazel had an emergency case meeting for BA 190 so they weren’t able to come either. Honestly, I was disappointed. But not with the Live A.I.D.S. (LA) 22.

The four of us met up in the Vinzon’s lobby. Dia came last, and guess what. We were wearing the same kind of shirt, the CE Week Sparkle shirt. It could have still been bearable if the shirts weren’t colored loud apple green. Good thing I brought a jacket.

After eating at the SM Foodcourt, we hurried straight to Cinema 5. Gosh, the queue was so long it folded into five. (I didn’t expect LA attracted that much gays. Most of whom were the straight-but-not-so-straight-looking type who have their hair sharkfin style and wear tight polo shirts with the collars up.) After more than twenty minutes in the queue, we finally got in. The balcony area was closed so the rest of the theater was fully occupied.

LA was hilarious. That’s all I would say. You should have seen it yourself. Too bad none of us owned a camera phone. I would’ve taken a shot of the the stage which was, from where we sat, breath-taking (exaggerated).

The show ended and I still didn’t know who Malou or her asawa was.

Palaboy

I am a helpless, little boy with nothing to do and nowhere to go. I am in Philcoa waiting for some hairy, European pedophile to pick me up and to offer me a candy in exchange of a sexual favor.

I miss the comfort of our home and, of course, the unlimited Internet connection in Pampanga. If not for this day's YEC, I could have gone back to Angeles last Thursday after taking my marketing exam. But I didn't want to let Judy down this time. This was my last chance to make up for not showing up at the Entrep Sem and GK when I promised to do so. I don't want to hear her quoting Ash again, “After all, you said 'Yes.'”

Besides, this schoolyear's YEC is my first. Now I have something to add to my resume. Haha. Half-joking aside, I learned a lot of things from the Convention. Things I already heard before from somewhere else but that only reached as far as the planning stage of my practicing them then completely dumped in some corner of my mind.

My favorite speaker, obviously, was Tina Silva Navarro, fashion designer and owner of the ILAYA, ILAYA Couture, and Rocco garment brands and chains. Throughout the time she was speaking, my eyes were glued on her hypnotizing, striped, metallic-multi-shaded-pink-colored bolero jacket. She also looked young for her age and like Cindy Kurleto. Don't get me wrong, she talked a lot of sense.

YEC was alright in general, save for some moments when I just couldn't control my eyelids from drooping. It was because I had only three hours of sleep (and some of the speakers were boring, informative but boring.)

That's it for now. I still have to find my candy. Can't wait to watch Live A.I.D.S. 22 (“2+2 Asawa ni Malou”) by UP SAMASKOM tomorrow!

Spent Nothing on Food

I was eagerly on my way to the cafeteria to buy lunch when Kate asked me if I wanted the sisig she brought. Of course, I said “Of course.” When did I ever turn down food, especially when it was free? Therefore, I just had to buy rice. I was about to when Jeds offered me half of hers. I did not complain.

At the tambayan, Alpha brought halayang (?) ube. It was so sweet I was like drinking condensed milk straight from the can. After Farrah and I finished more than half of the ube, Lyka came in with a plate of pansit and chicharon and popcorn. The food never stopped coming. Heaven.

When everybody else left for their classes, I noticed another styrofoam of sisig and rice on the table. I texted Kate if she knew whose it was or if it was Virge’s because if no one owned it, I would eat it (I’m such a pig!) She replied that she had no idea and if it was indeed his, I could go ahead and do as I wished. Poor Virge. Bwahahahaha! Later that afternoon, one org had its pakain.

Now I am at his house. I’m with Alpha and we are sleeping over. This is my third time (kaladkarin). We printed and cut and rolled and tied and bottled some super secret stuff. ;p And yes, I ate my (free) dinner here.

I really should be sleeping now. I still have to wake up early (two hours from now) for Young Entrepreneurs’ Convention later. Where there is free lunch and free snacks.

Promises

Remember my promise? I broke it. After posting my previous entry, I continued surfing the net and downloading songs until 5AM. I told myself to nap for a few minutes before I finally, really study. I woke up at 11AM (“Sh***t!!!”) I was still in Pampanga then.

At 3PM I was already in UP and had just finished reading inside the taxi my notes. So I took the seventy-five-item, multiple-choices-type exam. It was fine. Although I have to admit some (or most?) of the items I have not read about so I relied on common sense and guessed my way through the questions.

At the tambayan, the usual people were present. I was shocked to see them talk to each other. Hmm. Was that I witnessed true? Were the smiles sincere, the laughter genuine? I really hope so! But I still feel dubious.

It was a pleasant surprise (and was relieving) to see her GPOA posted on the bulletin board. She asked me the same question people recently and frequently ask me. I said that she was my bet from the very start and that I trust her capabilities and leadership more than I do mine and that when (not “if” because I'm already sure) she wins, I promise I will gladly help and “assist” her. :) That promise I surely will not break. I hope.

Procrastination and Playlist

It is past 2 AM. By now, I should be studying for my marketing exam later in the afternoon, but here I am blogging instead. I had the whole weekend (from Friday to Wednesday) to read my (Judy’s) notes and book but I didn’t. I watched TV, surfed the net, and downloaded some songs. Everything except studying.

I really feel that procrastination will get me into some very serious trouble in the future (like it hasn’t been since elementary). Oh well, I am sure Sir Clemente will not give a difficult exam. Anyway, it will be a multiple-choices type.

Promise, I will start studying after I post this entry. Before that, I would like to share what songs are in my Now Playing playlist: a jumble of OPM, JPop, and KPop.

Be My Last (Utada Hikaru)
Keep Tryin’ (UH)
Simple and Clean (UH)
Pangarap na Bituin (Jewel in the Palace)
Pag-ibig Ko’y Pansinin (Stairway to Heaven)
Bo Go Ship Da (STH)
Come Back to Me (Attic Cat)
Anbaransu na Kisu wo Shite (Yu Yu Hakusho a.k.a. Ghostfighter)
Sayonara Byebye (YYH)
Hohoemi Bakudan (YYH)
Daydream Generation (YYH)
Pag-agos (Up Dharma Down, an OPM band)
Taiyo ga Mata Kagayaku Toki (YYH)
For Fruits Basket (Fruits Basket, duh)
Chiisana Inori (FB)
Dareka no Negai ga Kanau Koro (UH)

Self- restraint

Ten hours ago, I felt the urge to ask you again that same question I have been asking for more than two months now. I, still stupidly optimistic, believed that you would answer me already. Just a single word would suffice, even if that word were a “yes”. I just wanted to hear from you, even if all I would hear were cuss and curses. At least I would know (As if your actions or lack thereof this entire time hasn’t been saying it all.)

Well, I didn’t. At least it didn’t frustrate me that all the courage I would have summed up and the pride I would have swallowed went to waste. That I would be talking to a wall again.

Maybe someday I will get tired too. I will get too tired to care anymore and will just let things be, vague and unresolved. Until that day comes, I have to tie myself up to a tree once in a while.