Monday, December 18, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
What Christmas?
Let the ground crack open and swallow me wholly, until the last traces of me are thrown into oblivion.
I'm pretty much busted right now thanks to Ben Brian Kalaw. Killing him would be pointless (and impossible anyway) so in a distressing situation where I stand now, I'd just act how a mature grown-up would, that is, I'd resign to loathing BBK as long as the thought of my little secret being open to the last person whom I'd want to know about it elicits cringes that drain the life out of my frail body. *Inhales*
Since that stupid acquaintance party, it's more of awkwardness than of kilig I feel each time I see him (not BBK, of course). I might as well die of it (the awkwardness).
---
It's as if I'm exactly in the same state I was one year ago. Depressed. Helpless. Pathetic. Listening to sad songs doesn't help alleviate the feeling. (Duh!)
I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache...
I just keep going round and round and round in circles, keep on tumbling down...
I went after what I wanted, and I never really got it, but it doesn't matter at all...
Why do all good things come to an end...
---
I wish that I may break away from the shackles that keep me in the darkness, that I may still be able to see the light of New Year's Day.
Let the ground crack open and swallow me wholly, until the last traces of me are thrown into oblivion.
I'm pretty much busted right now thanks to Ben Brian Kalaw. Killing him would be pointless (and impossible anyway) so in a distressing situation where I stand now, I'd just act how a mature grown-up would, that is, I'd resign to loathing BBK as long as the thought of my little secret being open to the last person whom I'd want to know about it elicits cringes that drain the life out of my frail body. *Inhales*
Since that stupid acquaintance party, it's more of awkwardness than of kilig I feel each time I see him (not BBK, of course). I might as well die of it (the awkwardness).
---
It's as if I'm exactly in the same state I was one year ago. Depressed. Helpless. Pathetic. Listening to sad songs doesn't help alleviate the feeling. (Duh!)
I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache...
I just keep going round and round and round in circles, keep on tumbling down...
I went after what I wanted, and I never really got it, but it doesn't matter at all...
Why do all good things come to an end...
---
I wish that I may break away from the shackles that keep me in the darkness, that I may still be able to see the light of New Year's Day.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
The Armchair
An online quiz says that I think I know more than everyone else, and that maybe I do. That then again, maybe I don't. That they (the quiz authors) are scared that I'm just sitting back and judging without throwing my hat in the ring. ("Because love is like boxing," they ask.) That all they're saying is that I need to let a few people into my life, just to round things out.
That I also might want to stop being evil. That my seduction style is a little too dark for them to feel good about. That one might say that I'm a black hole of scary disillusion and Satanism. That one might also suggest getting a puppy.
An online quiz says that I think I know more than everyone else, and that maybe I do. That then again, maybe I don't. That they (the quiz authors) are scared that I'm just sitting back and judging without throwing my hat in the ring. ("Because love is like boxing," they ask.) That all they're saying is that I need to let a few people into my life, just to round things out.
That I also might want to stop being evil. That my seduction style is a little too dark for them to feel good about. That one might say that I'm a black hole of scary disillusion and Satanism. That one might also suggest getting a puppy.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Flavor of the Month
For the time being, my lonely world is revolving around him. As I've mentioned in my previous post, I've already located his Friendster accounts. All four of them. And I'm so proud of myself for doing an excellent job in stalking. At times I even amaze myself at the skills I have developed or at the lengths that I go to just to satisfy my stalkee-information needs.
Do I creep you out? Haha.
He puts a smile on my face, and he's not even aware of it. Oh, the joy (and agony) of one-sided relationships. People prod, but I ain't ready yet. I never will be. There's to much immaturity and too much insecurity issues I have to deal with. Let's rephrase that. There's too much immaturity and too much insecurity issues with which I have to deal. Better.
Lovesickness. S-O-S, please someone help me. It's not healthy for me to feel this...
For the time being, my lonely world is revolving around him. As I've mentioned in my previous post, I've already located his Friendster accounts. All four of them. And I'm so proud of myself for doing an excellent job in stalking. At times I even amaze myself at the skills I have developed or at the lengths that I go to just to satisfy my stalkee-information needs.
Do I creep you out? Haha.
He puts a smile on my face, and he's not even aware of it. Oh, the joy (and agony) of one-sided relationships. People prod, but I ain't ready yet. I never will be. There's to much immaturity and too much insecurity issues I have to deal with. Let's rephrase that. There's too much immaturity and too much insecurity issues with which I have to deal. Better.
Lovesickness. S-O-S, please someone help me. It's not healthy for me to feel this...
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Pagkatapos?
Hi there to no one in particular.
So we, the CE-JFA-SE-Men slash the Green Grenades won in the BACBACAN. At least in the event every org/team has been aspiring most to win: cheerdance. Whee! Although it could have been better if we placed first in the other games, it's good enough, and I think I'm not speaking only for myself but for the whole team as well, that we bagged the cheerdance championship. That makes it CE's fourth consecutive and my first time very worth all of the muscle pains and late-night practices. Besides, I had another perk for attending the practices. *Winks* (Oh my god, I feel the blood rushing to my head!)
They say I look like him. Save for the thick eyebrows and long eyelashes I really can't see the resemblance, but if I were to become handsome, I wouldn't mind sharing his visage. And that would be a bad case of narcissism. Imagine being attracted to someone who looks like you. Eek! Again, I wouldn't mind as long as I'm drop-dead gorgeous (which isn't the case, thanks to my genes.)
Now that BACBACAN is over, I won't get to see him every night anymore. And it sucks because I feel so helpless (Thanks to Joan and Kat I finally found his Friendster accountsss.) Lovesickness. It makes me want to puke. Talking about it makes me want to puke. I apologize but I just have to catch up on the petty, high-school emotions I suppressed when I was in high school. I thought love was corny, pathetic, and overrated then. I still do.
I'm not making any sense so enough.
---
What do you know; I just turned twenty last week. (So what?)
If there was one thing I'd regret the most, it's that I was born (May lurking drama underneath?) The world or at least the people who know me now, would be better off without me. Seriously. What's the point of living anyway, living itself? Relationships? Love? God? I don't know. Whatever it is, I feel it's not worth the trouble. Wala lang.
---
In one week it's Christmas vacation, in three the year ends. Before you know it the semester is over.
Hi there to no one in particular.
So we, the CE-JFA-SE-Men slash the Green Grenades won in the BACBACAN. At least in the event every org/team has been aspiring most to win: cheerdance. Whee! Although it could have been better if we placed first in the other games, it's good enough, and I think I'm not speaking only for myself but for the whole team as well, that we bagged the cheerdance championship. That makes it CE's fourth consecutive and my first time very worth all of the muscle pains and late-night practices. Besides, I had another perk for attending the practices. *Winks* (Oh my god, I feel the blood rushing to my head!)
They say I look like him. Save for the thick eyebrows and long eyelashes I really can't see the resemblance, but if I were to become handsome, I wouldn't mind sharing his visage. And that would be a bad case of narcissism. Imagine being attracted to someone who looks like you. Eek! Again, I wouldn't mind as long as I'm drop-dead gorgeous (which isn't the case, thanks to my genes.)
Now that BACBACAN is over, I won't get to see him every night anymore. And it sucks because I feel so helpless (Thanks to Joan and Kat I finally found his Friendster accountsss.) Lovesickness. It makes me want to puke. Talking about it makes me want to puke. I apologize but I just have to catch up on the petty, high-school emotions I suppressed when I was in high school. I thought love was corny, pathetic, and overrated then. I still do.
I'm not making any sense so enough.
---
What do you know; I just turned twenty last week. (So what?)
If there was one thing I'd regret the most, it's that I was born (May lurking drama underneath?) The world or at least the people who know me now, would be better off without me. Seriously. What's the point of living anyway, living itself? Relationships? Love? God? I don't know. Whatever it is, I feel it's not worth the trouble. Wala lang.
---
In one week it's Christmas vacation, in three the year ends. Before you know it the semester is over.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Water Break
Rainy days have gone by, and the lazy days have taken place. I want a break. So I'm taking one! A very short one will do; I'll allow myself to absent from my classes even just for a couple of days. Call it a reorientation program for my pig-headed self about the plans, goals, resolutions, and whatnot I've set at the start of the sem. (May ganyon?!)
See, with this breather I was able to churn out a decent (i.e. of decent length) blog entry. My engrossment in acads (Talaga lang ha?) and in the 'til-late night BACBACAN practices didn't allow me that. I'm not complaining though, especially with the perks the second reason brings. *Winks*
Oh my God, I'm blushing! Oh wait, it's just my rashes. They resurfaced and they're back with vengeance!
---
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do, and I hurt myself by hurting you.
It breaks my heart and my spirit to see you cry because of me. Because of us. Because of our situation.
Rainy days have gone by, and the lazy days have taken place. I want a break. So I'm taking one! A very short one will do; I'll allow myself to absent from my classes even just for a couple of days. Call it a reorientation program for my pig-headed self about the plans, goals, resolutions, and whatnot I've set at the start of the sem. (May ganyon?!)
See, with this breather I was able to churn out a decent (i.e. of decent length) blog entry. My engrossment in acads (Talaga lang ha?) and in the 'til-late night BACBACAN practices didn't allow me that. I'm not complaining though, especially with the perks the second reason brings. *Winks*
Oh my God, I'm blushing! Oh wait, it's just my rashes. They resurfaced and they're back with vengeance!
---
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do, and I hurt myself by hurting you.
It breaks my heart and my spirit to see you cry because of me. Because of us. Because of our situation.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Crushing You Crushes Me
I can't take it anymore. Whenever you come near or are just in plain sight I supress my kilig, and it's taking its toll on my health. Just the act of remembering you wrings my insides, especially my frail, black heart. Shoo, you!
I have some alternative suggestions though. Let's see.
1.) Reposition your eyes and nose upwards thereby extending the vertical gap between them and between your nose and mouth; and reducing the area of your forehead.
2.) Pull your eyeballs out of their sockets.
3.) Face sideways; the angle does not favor you. Better yet, get out of my sight.
4.) Acquire atrophy.
5.) Be obnoxious as much as I am. Or worse.
I can't take it anymore. Whenever you come near or are just in plain sight I supress my kilig, and it's taking its toll on my health. Just the act of remembering you wrings my insides, especially my frail, black heart. Shoo, you!
I have some alternative suggestions though. Let's see.
1.) Reposition your eyes and nose upwards thereby extending the vertical gap between them and between your nose and mouth; and reducing the area of your forehead.
2.) Pull your eyeballs out of their sockets.
3.) Face sideways; the angle does not favor you. Better yet, get out of my sight.
4.) Acquire atrophy.
5.) Be obnoxious as much as I am. Or worse.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
Selfish
People are naturally selfish. They are self-centered and self-absorbed. They act with the end, consciously in mind or not, of propagation and preservation of their selves and their interests.
There are those who, like me, subscribe to such opinion, and of course there are those who deny it, some with all their might or to the extent that their consciences can handle. Obviously, I would favor the former. Nonetheless, I have nothing against those of the latter kind. Whatever that lets them sleep at night, let it be. However, sometimes, and it can't be helped, their display of self-righteousness irks me, irritates me. In the end, I cannot totally blame them. People are selfish after all.
---
I'm sorry for purposely hurting your feelings. I realized I was being childish. By hurting you I just wanted to know how much significant I was to you. Yes, it is an unacceptable justification. With the fear of stretching the distance that vexed me in the first place, I now know the answer.
People are naturally selfish. They are self-centered and self-absorbed. They act with the end, consciously in mind or not, of propagation and preservation of their selves and their interests.
There are those who, like me, subscribe to such opinion, and of course there are those who deny it, some with all their might or to the extent that their consciences can handle. Obviously, I would favor the former. Nonetheless, I have nothing against those of the latter kind. Whatever that lets them sleep at night, let it be. However, sometimes, and it can't be helped, their display of self-righteousness irks me, irritates me. In the end, I cannot totally blame them. People are selfish after all.
---
I'm sorry for purposely hurting your feelings. I realized I was being childish. By hurting you I just wanted to know how much significant I was to you. Yes, it is an unacceptable justification. With the fear of stretching the distance that vexed me in the first place, I now know the answer.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Before Classes Officially Start
The DBM and DOJ secretaries and the First Daughter
I arrived at UP past 10 AM; first stop was at the Yakal Residence Hall to again inquire and pester Sir Robidillo (sp?), dormitory manager, about my wait-list status. Just when I was about to lose hope of being admitted to said dorm, he handed me some forms to fill out (up? I always mix up.) My lungs nearly burst as I inhaled and exhaled my excitement. I'm halfway to being a
I didn't fare with as much luck with the manual enlistment, but it wasn't that bad either. I still have two subjects left to enlist. As my wolf-wearing-sheep-skin act worked with Sir Robidillo, I hope it also does tomorrow with the professors. Awoo! Have you ever heard a wolf cry to the blue corn moon? I have never seen a sem without a torturous registration.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Mushi Enchantment
I got so hooked on "Mushishi" I only went out this day just to attend the HR (and D) postplanning at McDo Katips. My overconfidence will yield me terrible electives and class schedule. Oh well, as if I really care.
I'm three episodes away before completing the anime series; "Saiunkoku Monogatari" is next in line. Super thanks to Jazelli (Oi, magparamdam ka!) for the burned anime she lent. Mi mi mirakuru Mikurun-run, mi mi mirakuru Mikurun-run! Whee!
I got so hooked on "Mushishi" I only went out this day just to attend the HR (and D) postplanning at McDo Katips. My overconfidence will yield me terrible electives and class schedule. Oh well, as if I really care.
I'm three episodes away before completing the anime series; "Saiunkoku Monogatari" is next in line. Super thanks to Jazelli (Oi, magparamdam ka!) for the burned anime she lent. Mi mi mirakuru Mikurun-run, mi mi mirakuru Mikurun-run! Whee!
Monday, November 06, 2006
So Much for Optimism
Yes, Sir Ben Paul dismissed my plea to take BA 142 and BA 129 simultaneously advising that I just take BA 129 next semester. I guess my being "feasibusy" will have to wait a little longer. With BA 129 on my Form 5A about to be cancelled with that green RVC ink, I will have to toil to get through the scourge that is manual enlistment. I still have four subjects lacking; imagine that.
---
Come on, do I really look like Luli Arroyo?
Yes, Sir Ben Paul dismissed my plea to take BA 142 and BA 129 simultaneously advising that I just take BA 129 next semester. I guess my being "feasibusy" will have to wait a little longer. With BA 129 on my Form 5A about to be cancelled with that green RVC ink, I will have to toil to get through the scourge that is manual enlistment. I still have four subjects lacking; imagine that.
---
Come on, do I really look like Luli Arroyo?
Cbox and the Never-ending Drama
TagBoard mysteriously has vanished off the face of the world wide web. Cbox seems a decent alternative, and it has more features so I switched to it. Feel free to inundate my new tagboard (Is that the generic term?) with your messages of love for me. I need the validation. Badly.
---
More than a week of no blog update has gone by. So many thoughts have been boggling my mind, and I can't seem to have the strength (Nah, I'm just lazy) to organize and put them in writing. Energy escapes me every time I ponder about them. If only I could faint and never regain consciousness ever again, I would. Disgust yourselves by such cowardice. Even I disgust myself.
I'm fazed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm paralyzed.
I'm frail. I'm vulnerable.
But I've got to keep trying.
TagBoard mysteriously has vanished off the face of the world wide web. Cbox seems a decent alternative, and it has more features so I switched to it. Feel free to inundate my new tagboard (Is that the generic term?) with your messages of love for me. I need the validation. Badly.
---
More than a week of no blog update has gone by. So many thoughts have been boggling my mind, and I can't seem to have the strength (Nah, I'm just lazy) to organize and put them in writing. Energy escapes me every time I ponder about them. If only I could faint and never regain consciousness ever again, I would. Disgust yourselves by such cowardice. Even I disgust myself.
I'm fazed. I'm overwhelmed. I'm paralyzed.
I'm frail. I'm vulnerable.
But I've got to keep trying.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Keep Cryin'
I don't like being alone...
This year everything seems like a real drag...
The truth is I'm hungrier than it seems. Even though I try and hide my messed up feelings, every morning, I want to destroy the mirror which reflects my weak, natural face.
A wish on a moonlight night, it's a beautiful thing...
I don't care about anything even if I'm running a little late in the morning. I'm going to try my best. How many times have I stupidly got my hopes up? There are no barriers that's why I keep trying.
I don't care about anything while deciding on a cool pose. To tell you the truth, I've been fighting. It's such a precious life; you'll have to reach for each and every bit of rest.
I don't care about anything while making a face like, "Okay, whatever." I've always, always been praying. I want what I don't have. I can't be satisfied that easily so I keep trying.
I don't like being alone...
This year everything seems like a real drag...
The truth is I'm hungrier than it seems. Even though I try and hide my messed up feelings, every morning, I want to destroy the mirror which reflects my weak, natural face.
A wish on a moonlight night, it's a beautiful thing...
I don't care about anything even if I'm running a little late in the morning. I'm going to try my best. How many times have I stupidly got my hopes up? There are no barriers that's why I keep trying.
I don't care about anything while deciding on a cool pose. To tell you the truth, I've been fighting. It's such a precious life; you'll have to reach for each and every bit of rest.
I don't care about anything while making a face like, "Okay, whatever." I've always, always been praying. I want what I don't have. I can't be satisfied that easily so I keep trying.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Heto Ako
What's this I'm hearing that people have been asking about my where...abouts? I'm here if that's what you want to know. The concern is unnecessary; nonethelesss, I appreciate it. To tell the truth, I'm not entirely well (When have I ever been, anyway?), but I'm okay. I think.
It's such a bummer that I have no Internet connection in Pampanga. Technically, I have, but my PC isn't working yet (Jay, help! I'm willing to bring my CPU there in Cavite. *Winks*) At least, television is there to keep the boredom out of my skull. At the most, the semester is finally over. Actually, I force-ended mine a bit earlier. How? By fleeing and never looking back.
Going back to TV, what have caught my interest are two series that have started recently, the Koreanovela "A Rosy Life" and the JDrama "Beautiful Life". If you're for tearjerkers like "Stairway to Heaven" *sighs*, the former is a must-see. The plot is promising; the lead female actor is effective; I can't wait to cry my heart out.
"A Rosy Life"
If you think you've got enough drama in your life than you can handle, try "Beautiful Life" (BL) starring the beautiful Kimura Takuya (Oh my, he's so fvcking hot!) You don't know how much I, out of suppressed kilig, hyperventilate and squeak each time I see him on TV. It's quite embarrassing actually. Haha. Unlike in "Good Luck!!" and in the picture below, he sports a bushy hairstyle. He reminds me of Won Bin circa 2000. Dreamy eyes, plump lips, and all. Sigh.
I'm too lazy to find a better picture.
What's this I'm hearing that people have been asking about my where...abouts? I'm here if that's what you want to know. The concern is unnecessary; nonethelesss, I appreciate it. To tell the truth, I'm not entirely well (When have I ever been, anyway?), but I'm okay. I think.
It's such a bummer that I have no Internet connection in Pampanga. Technically, I have, but my PC isn't working yet (Jay, help! I'm willing to bring my CPU there in Cavite. *Winks*) At least, television is there to keep the boredom out of my skull. At the most, the semester is finally over. Actually, I force-ended mine a bit earlier. How? By fleeing and never looking back.
Going back to TV, what have caught my interest are two series that have started recently, the Koreanovela "A Rosy Life" and the JDrama "Beautiful Life". If you're for tearjerkers like "Stairway to Heaven" *sighs*, the former is a must-see. The plot is promising; the lead female actor is effective; I can't wait to cry my heart out.
"A Rosy Life"
If you think you've got enough drama in your life than you can handle, try "Beautiful Life" (BL) starring the beautiful Kimura Takuya (Oh my, he's so fvcking hot!) You don't know how much I, out of suppressed kilig, hyperventilate and squeak each time I see him on TV. It's quite embarrassing actually. Haha. Unlike in "Good Luck!!" and in the picture below, he sports a bushy hairstyle. He reminds me of Won Bin circa 2000. Dreamy eyes, plump lips, and all. Sigh.
I'm too lazy to find a better picture.
---
My new motto in life: Keep trying.
I don't care about anything
Even if I'm running a little late in the morning
I'm gonna try my best
How many times have I stupidly
Got my hopes up? There are no barriers
That's why I keep trying
My new motto in life: Keep trying.
I don't care about anything
Even if I'm running a little late in the morning
I'm gonna try my best
How many times have I stupidly
Got my hopes up? There are no barriers
That's why I keep trying
---
P.S.: We have a new puppy in the house. It's white, fluffy, and most of all, adorable (much like this exhibitionist). Kawaii!Saturday, October 14, 2006
Hikari Sentai Maskman
It's amazing what videos one can dig up on YouTube. I never thought some people still have with them videos of the old sentai series to upload, much more the Tagalog-dubbed version.
Sige, sige, laban, Maskman
Ipagtanggol ang kapayapaan
Sugod, sugod, laban, Maskman...
Sigh. Brings back peachy, childhood memories. Looking back, I can't pinpoint whom among the Maskmen I had a crush on. Hmm, was it Michael Joe or Adrian? Haha.
Cutie Akira (Adrian), Blue Mask
Yay to the Laser Squadron Maskman!
---
Just some clarifications: I've been part of the Special Projects Ad Hoc (SPADHOC) for four semesters now, three of which I've been the co-head. Next semester will be my fourth time, not fifth, to lead the team. Though it'll my first to be the sole head. Ay, ay, ay!
I've been contemplating. Do I really want to put up with the stress heading such a committee brings, again? For the fourth time? Considering SPADHOC is one of the underrated, if not the most underrated ad hoc of CE? To top that, I'll be chair-ing (imbento) another ad hoc, thanks to my vulnerable self-esteem and Virge's coaxing prowess. And, and, and if the Undergraduate Studies Director will permit, I will be "feasibusy," too.
What the heck, bring on the flagellation. Just make sure it wouldn't hurt much. After all, no stress is still stress. Don't ever complain if I churn out mediocre work and go around bitching. Joke.
---
You, you got what you deserved. Nyahaha. >:P
It's amazing what videos one can dig up on YouTube. I never thought some people still have with them videos of the old sentai series to upload, much more the Tagalog-dubbed version.
Sige, sige, laban, Maskman
Ipagtanggol ang kapayapaan
Sugod, sugod, laban, Maskman...
Sigh. Brings back peachy, childhood memories. Looking back, I can't pinpoint whom among the Maskmen I had a crush on. Hmm, was it Michael Joe or Adrian? Haha.
Cutie Akira (Adrian), Blue Mask
Yay to the Laser Squadron Maskman!
Just some clarifications: I've been part of the Special Projects Ad Hoc (SPADHOC) for four semesters now, three of which I've been the co-head. Next semester will be my fourth time, not fifth, to lead the team. Though it'll my first to be the sole head. Ay, ay, ay!
I've been contemplating. Do I really want to put up with the stress heading such a committee brings, again? For the fourth time? Considering SPADHOC is one of the underrated, if not the most underrated ad hoc of CE? To top that, I'll be chair-ing (imbento) another ad hoc, thanks to my vulnerable self-esteem and Virge's coaxing prowess. And, and, and if the Undergraduate Studies Director will permit, I will be "feasibusy," too.
What the heck, bring on the flagellation. Just make sure it wouldn't hurt much. After all, no stress is still stress. Don't ever complain if I churn out mediocre work and go around bitching. Joke.
---
You, you got what you deserved. Nyahaha. >:P
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