Amoy-bangkay

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me... Wish ko la-ha-hang.

Yesterday Kat and I went for another round of walk-in marketing for the CE Week. Lubert drove for us and Jac tagged along.

We finished at about 6PM and Lubert dropped us at the Block. Kat had to drag and limp her way up the third floor because the sole of her shoe got detached during the walk-in. So she bought herself a new pair of sandals and after that guess what. Another round of walk-in! I have to commend Kat for her diligence though. (The pressure is killing her. Haha.)

For dinner we Kat decided we three eat at Encore. The food was rip-off and the facility and the service, crappy. The attendants didn't knock and one would just barge in, in the middle of your belting your voice. Nonetheless, we had a fun time. I think.

Earlier Ben and Zel invited us to watch the last show of the World Pyro. However, we had to meet them up at the Mall of Asia (No, thank you.) Too bad, I really wanted to come since it's the Philippines' turn to showcase a fireworks display (Virge said it's the best he'd seen last year.) Other than that, I had no place to stay since Zel brought her keys with her (something I'd later thank Zel for doing).

After parting with Kat, off Jac and I went to Starbucks, Katipunan to kill time. We were with Melvin and Jerome. Jac finally got her planner and Jerome, his nth one (thanks partly to me). Lalala lalala lalalala oh, oh, oh...

I was supposed go to CE's PAGASA at the Culiat GK site this morning (wherever that is) then go home in Pampanga, but what do you know, I overslept again. Twenty whole hours, baby!

First class tomorrow: Econ 190.1 where the professor fancies donning low-neckline shirts and skinny jeans. Have I mentioned my professor is male? And is graying? As in balding and as-old-as-your-lolo old. Eek!

Because Weaving Together Strips of Neon Green Construction Paper Is Way Cheaper Than Buying Zoloft

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To the left, to the left, in the closet, that's my boy (in the bang-bang pose with a click of the tongue).
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I don't want to talk about you anymore. I don't want to hear people talking about you anymore. "Even when I'm eavesdropping." Period.

All that's left to do is to shake you off (a la Mariah Carey) my mind. It's easy. As easy as grabbing my eyeballs off their sockets. If only I could shut off my brain when even a single neuron comes near processing a thought of you or anything connected to/asscoiated with you, I would. Comatose over depression, baby!
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Today spells of irritation. Everything/one's irritatingly irritating and everything/one's irritatingly irritated. Even my face didn't escape from all the irritation. My rashes are as stubborn as I am. Shit.
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I didn't go home to Pampanga tonight. That's how much I adore Katty with all my black, black, punctured heart.

Katty: Anong amoy yan?
Ivan: Yan ang amoy ng pagkaasar ko sayo.

Ang Kati-kati!

I'm really hating the cold right now. First, it's the building up of mucus in my lungs. Every morning I wake up it's as if I'm on the verge of an asthma episode, laborious breathing and all. Now, my cheeks are starting to itch again. The cold seems to trigger my rashes. Ugh. It's so irritating!
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It's the first day of the CE Tambay Weeks today. I've been so eager to see *bleep* again but to no avail. Tear. I wish he doesn't read what Zel wrote on the freedom wall in order to tease me, especially whatever I scribbled back in response. If he does, I wish he doesn't have enough wit to decipher them (mucho bobito, baby).

I also just finished today editing the CE Week Grand Pakain marketing proposal for walk-ins. Tonight Kat, Levs, and I traveled the stretch of Katipunan, stopping by each fastfood/restaurant. We started from Ken Afford, and by the time we reached Jollibee, Kat and Levs were already complaining of tiredness so we decided to just continue tomorrow. We handed out a total of eighteen proposal copies. Whew. *Crosses fingers*
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I want to watch Dreamgirls na (na?)! The soundtrack is so LSS-y. I have an idea na (na?) of what song to play during the CE Tribute thingy. Wenk.

I Love Triclosan

I won again.
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Triclosan overexposure. The furthest I've gone abusing a substance.
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Guess where I was last, last night. Seated on seashore boulders, facing the dark vastness that's Manila Bay. The setting was melodramartic actually. I guess what with the current that produced wispy sounds as it caressed the rocks, the surface that mirrored the lighthouse, um, light (very moonriver-y), and the infinity that whelmed any trace of hope left (in my grasp, I'll hold with both hands... wenk) in one's heart. Add to that how I was situated sirena-esquely on top of the large stones. Which pretty much ruined the picture. Haha.

I, together with Jac, Lubert, Virge, and Zel, watched the first night of the second World Pyro Olympics at the Esplanade. It was spectacular (how desciptive). The hell of getting there (and out of there) was worth it. I think.
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Honestly, I know it's silly of me to want you so badly but keep it concealed. See my inferiority complex kicks in, and the words escape me as I'm paralyzed. I'm so helpless when I look into your eyes...

The paradoxic distance, as if it doesn't emaciate my heart enough, out of the blue, you announce you have a bleeping *bleep*. And you plan to rub that fact on my freaking fugly face by bringing *bleep* here. Feelingero (ako)!

How bittersweet.

Habang Hinihintay Dumating si Zelina D. De Vera

Classes resumed yesterday, but I'll resume attending them tomorrow. Haha. I just came straight from Pampanga because I packed my things only today. Hello, Procrastination 2007. Have I known that Zel invited *bleep* to sleep over I wouldn't have overslept (sleep over, overslept, haha, wenk) and would have hurled my lazy ass to the bus station yesterday.

I cast the blame on depression; it makes one either be insomniac or oversleep. Or both, as it does in my case. And it makes my eyebags look worse which make me look older my age and ugly(er). How can I get rid of them; help! Another thing, I've been losing appetite so my Twigdom Conquest over the break didn't fare successfully. To prove, as I was dressing up before leaving today, I didn't exert any effort zipping my pants, and I needed to use belt to keep them from falling. So disappointing.

Anyway, I planned not to attend class today because I still look dugyot(er). My hair's a messy bush up there. I'm having it cut later, although I think I have to ditch the new color. And the new hairstyle. It seems that everyone else has the same idea of repackaging one's coif. I tend to be not like everybody. Sorry (I'm addressing this to myself.) Besides, I think won't be able to handle such drastic (it is for me) change.

So why am I blabbing so much? I'm just killing time while I wait for Zel. Oops, there goes my prepaid hour. Or not. I still have another hour. Whee! This Internet shop extended their Pamaskong Handog where members (like myself) pay only P10.00 per hour instead of the usual P20.00. Maybe the new competition's fifteen-peso offer is luring away the patrons. Which I half-wish really happens.

Most of the customers here are barbarians (gamers). Everytime a surfer (like myself) loads a video on YouTube or downloads files via BitTorrent or other peer-to-peer chova, the surfer's terminal hogs the whole shop's connection bandwidth, and the games played hang up. When that happens, expect the barbarians to go wild. YouTubers and download freaks end up being persecuted and oppressed.

There's an unwritten rule here that downloads are prohibited during peaks hours of gaming. Once I was caught breaking that rule and the custodian asked me to stop. And I did because he asked nicely and partly because he's cute. Kind of. Well, not really. Haha. Shet, I hope Zel doesn't read this.
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Update: I had a minty hair spa treatment at F Salon. The haircut came free with it, but it ended looking like a gruesome massacre so I headed straight to Bench Fix Salon right after to have another haircut. Wenk.

Kimkim

For every word of regret, of hatred I hold in,
A tear forces its way to flow from the eye.

In darkness I shroud the truth.
In silence I embrace solace.

For one moment the surge I unbound,
That of the sea welling from within.

In slumber I search for nothing.
In nothingness I stop feeling.

First Post for 2007

Hello, readers. Happy New Year! Do I see eyebrows raised? Lower them or I'll harpoon those judgmental eyes of yours. Okay, ignore my previous post and let me explain.

I wasn't really big on making resolutions for 2007, since God knows they will remain only as resolutions never acted upon. However, during the cold, lonely break, I've reflected that throughout the past years I've grown more and more obnoxious, despicable, reproachful, etc. I definitely have hurt people along the way, but (No, it's not guilt talking here; mind you, I'm a sociopath) ultimately, it's only I that I've been hurting. Whatever.

My point here is I've let negativity define me as a person. For a change, I'm putting it aside and try being, um, pleasant. No more frowns, no more ice-cold stares, no more nasty (yet witty) comments, and no more satanic thoughts (I said I'll try.) Let the Year of the Pig reek of pleasantness until we vomit sugar and spice and every thing nice.
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In no time the semester will end and people will go. Well, that's life; we've got to keep on moving. For the remaining months, days, and minutes before the conclusion, I only wish for each and everyone to enjoy one another's company, to savor every moment spent together, and to prize the friendships that our stay in the University have created. (Oo, may ganyon.) Yes, we certainly will may forget about them some time in the future, nonetheless let's live the present to the fullest. Whatever.
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While having fun organizing my own Google homepage, I came across something that rang a bell. Tingnan mo nga naman. Fate, are you mocking me?

Daily Horoscope for Sagittarius
Tuesday, January 2, 2007

You are being pulled into your own world of feelings and it may be difficult to fit into the standard box of traditional relationships now. Don't be too hard on yourself, for you have something very special to offer and anyone close to you should already know this about you. If they can accept you for who you are, it will all work out. But first, you must completely accept yourself.

Tarot.com

Just Push Play

When Christmas stops being merry and when New Year, even your own birthday, stops being happy, what's the best way to celebrate them? Don't celebrate at all.

When optimism becomes tiring and when forever looking at the brighter side is starting to blind you, where do you turn to? Cynicism and sarcasm is the way to go. Whee. Yay. Happy joy, joy.

When you waste away sulking in your own dark corner, what does Fate do? It just stares and sings at you.

My, my baby blue
Yeah, I been thinkin' 'bout you
My, my baby blue
Yeah, you're so jaded
And I'm the one that jaded you

All I Want for the Holiday Season

Is to get fat. And Zoloft. Or Halcion.

Off Limits Tayo Diyan

He restricted his Friendster accountsss. This is unacceptable! It's infuriating, it's outrageous! I'm suspecting somebody tipped him off on all the stalking I've been doing on him.

I'm fetching Pepper Parental vibes here. Whoever you are, you know what; you're making me throw tantrums. You're baaad! Thanks to you I now won't be able to finish writing my book: The *Bleep* Manual: All I Need to Learn about *Bleep* I Learn from Ivan. That kid has a lot of admirers, you know, most of them not as well-versed in stalking as I am. For that you owe me millions what with the royalties I have to forego. What's that I'm hearing; you're concerned? Well, concern your granny's ass! I say you're selfish (and I'm irrational.)

But then, I may be overreacting. And barking at the wrong tree. He must've (been love, but it's over now... wenk) noted the sharp increase in his page traffic attributable to viewer Anonymous (That's me, that's me!) hence the unexpected restriction.

Oh well. Kid, you don't know who you're running away from. >:)

Pilipit

This upset stomach's been, um, upsetting me to say the least. It's excruciating, it's gut-wrenching. It's as if my intestines are being stretched and pulled back and forth. This must be how having a colonic feels like. Or being butt-fucked. (Yes, I just said "butt-fucked", prude.) I've abdicated "the throne" so many times now because all I've done sitting there is to contort like a circus freak and frown like a clown (Huh?), but "the kingdom" just keeps on calling me back. Haha. Ouch. :(

I can't trace what food possibly might have caused this diarrhea dilemma. It started two days ago, a day after I got here in Pampanga. All I know is I've been eating three, hefty meals daily (which is more than my usual diet because I rarely have breakfast) in my quest to conquer Twigdom. But that'll be in my next post. Until then. I think it's safe to take in my loperamide medication now according to Trivia Mistress Noella Omaga.

Ang Babata Namin (Noon)!

From the UP CE Members and Officers Day Out [MODO, the first (and the most controversial) ever]

God, those eyebags look awful! And look how scrawny I was (and still am).

Sigh. Memories. If I could just press rewind, I would.

WTF Is This?

How the hell did my name get here?

What Christmas?

Let the ground crack open and swallow me wholly, until the last traces of me are thrown into oblivion.

I'm pretty much busted right now thanks to Ben Brian Kalaw. Killing him would be pointless (and impossible anyway) so in a distressing situation where I stand now, I'd just act how a mature grown-up would, that is, I'd resign to loathing BBK as long as the thought of my little secret being open to the last person whom I'd want to know about it elicits cringes that drain the life out of my frail body. *Inhales*

Since that stupid acquaintance party, it's more of awkwardness than of kilig I feel each time I see him (not BBK, of course). I might as well die of it (the awkwardness).
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It's as if I'm exactly in the same state I was one year ago. Depressed. Helpless. Pathetic. Listening to sad songs doesn't help alleviate the feeling. (Duh!)

I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache...

I just keep going round and round and round in circles, keep on tumbling down...

I went after what I wanted, and I never really got it, but it doesn't matter at all...

Why do all good things come to an end...
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I wish that I may break away from the shackles that keep me in the darkness, that I may still be able to see the light of New Year's Day.

The Armchair

An online quiz says that I think I know more than everyone else, and that maybe I do. That then again, maybe I don't. That they (the quiz authors) are scared that I'm just sitting back and judging without throwing my hat in the ring. ("Because love is like boxing," they ask.) That all they're saying is that I need to let a few people into my life, just to round things out.

That I also might want to stop being evil. That my seduction style is a little too dark for them to feel good about. That one might say that I'm a black hole of scary disillusion and Satanism. That one might also suggest getting a puppy.

Flavor of the Month

For the time being, my lonely world is revolving around him. As I've mentioned in my previous post, I've already located his Friendster accounts. All four of them. And I'm so proud of myself for doing an excellent job in stalking. At times I even amaze myself at the skills I have developed or at the lengths that I go to just to satisfy my stalkee-information needs.

Do I creep you out? Haha.

He puts a smile on my face, and he's not even aware of it. Oh, the joy (and agony) of one-sided relationships. People prod, but I ain't ready yet. I never will be. There's to much immaturity and too much insecurity issues I have to deal with. Let's rephrase that. There's too much immaturity and too much insecurity issues with which I have to deal. Better.

Lovesickness. S-O-S, please someone help me. It's not healthy for me to feel this...

Pagkatapos?

Hi there to no one in particular.

So we, the CE-JFA-SE-Men slash the Green Grenades won in the BACBACAN. At least in the event every org/team has been aspiring most to win: cheerdance. Whee! Although it could have been better if we placed first in the other games, it's good enough, and I think I'm not speaking only for myself but for the whole team as well, that we bagged the cheerdance championship. That makes it CE's fourth consecutive and my first time very worth all of the muscle pains and late-night practices. Besides, I had another perk for attending the practices. *Winks* (Oh my god, I feel the blood rushing to my head!)

They say I look like him. Save for the thick eyebrows and long eyelashes I really can't see the resemblance, but if I were to become handsome, I wouldn't mind sharing his visage. And that would be a bad case of narcissism. Imagine being attracted to someone who looks like you. Eek! Again, I wouldn't mind as long as I'm drop-dead gorgeous (which isn't the case, thanks to my genes.)

Now that BACBACAN is over, I won't get to see him every night anymore. And it sucks because I feel so helpless (Thanks to Joan and Kat I finally found his Friendster accountsss.) Lovesickness. It makes me want to puke. Talking about it makes me want to puke. I apologize but I just have to catch up on the petty, high-school emotions I suppressed when I was in high school. I thought love was corny, pathetic, and overrated then. I still do.

I'm not making any sense so enough.
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What do you know; I just turned twenty last week. (So what?)

If there was one thing I'd regret the most, it's that I was born (May lurking drama underneath?) The world or at least the people who know me now, would be better off without me. Seriously. What's the point of living anyway, living itself? Relationships? Love? God? I don't know. Whatever it is, I feel it's not worth the trouble. Wala lang.
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In one week it's Christmas vacation, in three the year ends. Before you know it the semester is over.