Public

"Kung di ba naman siya tanga e."

"She's that stupid?"

"Nothing beats stupidity."

Must-haves

Oxygen Tank and Nebulizer


Can't breath? (Can't breathe?) Wanna paint? (Wanna faint?)

Duct Tape

For the humongous mouth.
For the plastic bag with which one covers his head and the opening of which one seals around his neck.

Toilet Duck

Clingy?
Stubborn?
Annihilate the mold and mildew you.

Metal Plate

Because there are body parts you just can't see much more protect.

Corn on the Cob

Be resourceful like the Sleepwalkers villain.

Wala Lang

I’m posting this for the sake of updating. May my boredom and pettiness fill the hollowness inside you, my avid readers. Then fill mine.

Monday. Went to school to enroll for summer classes. The 114.2 grades were out that day so I took a look (took, look. Haha.) To the nine who did not survive, my heart goes to you. Haha. Don’t you wish you were kicked out as early as 114.1? Two sem’s worth of sleeping in the middle of attempting to digest the gobbledygook of IFRS gone to waste. See you in BA 115.

Virge requested Lubert and Levs to represent CE in the ocular of the UP Theater for the CBA graduation. I tagged along. They ordered us to count the total number of seats, then some instructions, etc. As Ma’am Talavera and Sir Manuel discussed the seating plan, it hit me that I will never be one of those who will sit in the first front rows. Sad.

Wasn’t able to enlist for PI 100 or any other subject because of the priority for tri-coll and graduating students. No problem, I was too lazy anyway.

Jazel and I went to Jollibee, Katips. She had her late lunch; I, my Coffee Jelly Special fix. Sam Milby’s face was on one of the posters. Don’t you think his image fits McDo better? And Manny Pacquiao’s, Jollibee? Just a thought.

Met up Dia in her dorm beside which the new Ken Afford stands. Then we headed straight to Jay’s place. Hi, to Jay, Dona, Harvey, Tam Tam, and Won Won! Thanks so, so, so much for letting us stay over! :D

Tuesday. Slept around 3AM, woke up around 8AM to Jay’s suspicious, whispery voice. He left Dia and me early for his interview with BPI. By noon, Dia and I were about to leave when Jay called to check if we were still there. So we waited for him while watching The Secret of David Gale on HBO. It freaked me out the same way the Hello Kitty Murder (look it up) did. Imagine Happy Tree Friends less the pastel colors and cuteness. Gruesome.

Jay came and we ate, guess where. Jollibee, Philcoa. One-piece Chickenjoy Meal and Coffee Jelly Special. We took embarrassing pictures of ourselves in the tenga-tuhod pose; checking first if nobody around was looking. We were squinting the moment we got out of there. The heat, oh the heat, I could not stand it!

Was not able again to enlist for any subject since there were no more slots. I just took down the section schedules to aid in my prerog-ing. Then I paid my tuition and made reservation in Narra. Then I went home to Pampanga. Sigh.

Wednesday. I started downloading Breakaway (album) by Kelly Clarkson. I slept in the middle of reading Harry Potter 5. God, I’m like a first-grader! After three days of reading, I just am in page 100. How pathetic is that?

I was reading a blog of the English translation of Utada’s blog when the opening credits of Jewel in the Palace played on TV. I was like “Unti-unting malalating, karangitan at bituin…” I guess listening to JPop paid off. Now I’m all set to study Japanese. But not before I finish reading Harry Potter. Ugh.

Thursday. And oh, Breakaway just finished downloading. Whee!

Boredamnation is just around the corner.

Rodents

While sitting on the rat-munched sofas in the tambayan a while ago, Jazel and I exchanged stories from our twisted childhood, from a mother who paid the neighborhood kids to play with her daughter to an overachieving sixth-grader who “stained with shit” her immaculate reputation in school.

I was in the middle of my third account when I had an amazing realization. As young and as neurotic as I was then, I already had the knack for ruining (further) relationships (on the rocks). Chomping on the human ties with my two, silver-jacketed, upper incisors. I’m too lazy to recount what had happened so just rely on your inner playwright.

Anyway, I’m now using Jay’s PC to type this entry. I am staying overnight (at last!) with Dia who’s having her CPU fixed by Jay. Harvey, Tam Tam, Won Won (Jay and Dona's pet hamsters) are actually bigger than I thought. They are so cuddly and adorable! Harvey has this brownish, white-streaked fur well-combed and parted along the spine that he resembles a wig, or as Dia puts it, a toupee. Haha.

Vista

Vista Build 5308 to be precise. Isn't it gorgoeous? Drool.

Months ago, I installed a Vista visual style pack so now it looks as if I am running a knockoff of the actual OS. The only thing I don't fancy about it is the silver frame of the windows. It's too boring and I'd rather it be black like the sleek taskbar.

But as you see in the image (in the real OS), there is now an option for changing the color scheme of the windows, just like with the folder icons color settings.

This build, if unregistered, lasts only for 13 days.

Hmm

How's she doing?

Just like him (he, whatever).

More or less.

Wings and Letters

These are two songs I'm currently, repeatedly listening to. They were written, composed, and sung by Utada Hikaru.

The music and lyrics have a characteristic sedateness to them. Sigh.

I am posting the English translation here. Hope you'll appreciate the beautiful poetry. :)

Wings

Motionlessly, staring at your back
I wonder if I should hold you close

These bold things are just my imagination
(lalalalalala, lalala ooh oh)
These large, short-term wings just don't fly
(Only you are my friend)
Soothing words build up but remain unsaid
(lalalalalala, lalala ooh oh)
How did I get used this so easily?
(Only you are my friend)

The temperature of my bath isn't warm enough
My dependency on you is not enough either
Maybe that's just unnecessary kindness to myself

I want to feel safe in someplace warm
(lalalalalala, lalala ooh oh)
Reading my favorite writer's book
(Only you are my friend)
Quickly forgetting the words of yesterday
(lalalalalala, lalala ooh oh)
Why do I doubt someone I love?
(Only you are my friend)

Take a chance in the headwind and fly
Don't be anxious and close before the ending

However, I can be prepared for tomorrow
I'll go to sleep early tonight

What I'm writing I can say in front of you;
I'm dreaming of heaven

Letters

Walking on the warm sand,
Towards the sea where sad news won't reach me
Even without you, when the sun rises
A new day begins

The choices I made today
I don't know where they'll lead me
That's the reason why
My lazy self works everyday

Ah.. The sky in both my hands, a storm in my heart
Ah.. My farewells to you
Ah.. What remained on this seashore
Was always a letter, left behind
Ah.. even in my dreams, even on the phone
Ah.. I want to hear your voice
Ah.. You, never good with words
Always left behind a letter

When I become busy
Sometimes I forget to communicate
It happens to anyone, once or twice

Today I spoke to an elderly person
"Being alone's alright, too," they said
Skeptical me, I'm still thinking it over

Ah.. Like names to flowers, wishes to stars
Ah.. Me to you
Ah.. Decorating this windowsill
Was always a letter, left behind
Ah.. If only over the shirt
Ah.. I want to feel you
Ah.. I remember the last line
"I'll be back for sure"

Ah.. A place to relax, the sequel of a dream
Ah.. "Welcome home" to you
Ah.. From somewhere in the world
I'll keep sending myself back to you
Ah.. Even in my dreams, even on the phone
Ah.. I want to hear your voice
Ah.. When you, never any good with words,
Suddenly become far away from me
Nothing else is needed

Marimla

I feel so cold. Bira ku ne ing lagyu mu keng Y!M, keng BS, at keng telepono ku. If I really wanted (wished) to let go, I should’ve done this a long time ago.

E naku man mimwa keka. Ika ing mimwa kanaku. All those nasty things I’ve said about you, I do not mean them now. Pati itang status message ku a kitang mu kanaku kung para keka ya na meglaram ku pang ali naman pero keng tutu wa. Defense mechanism, projection. Kasi menasakitan ku mu talaga. Up until now. Pero siguru dapat mu kaku ing egana-ganang kasakitan a araramdaman ku kasi penasakitan da ka rin naman. For that, I’m sorry. Balu ku peuranan da na kang makanini manibat bakasyun. Ali na ka man makibat.

I hope the best for you. Sana salesen mu ne ing biye mu kung ali mapaldak na kang tuluyan. Balu mo, metung mu naman ing aanyaran ku keka. Friendship. Pero siguro malawut nang malyari ita. I don’t know your exact reasons, I can only speculate. Kasi pin naman emuku paksabyan o pakibatan. Siguru masyadu kung marok keng lawe mu kaya makanita. But now I’m letting go. I’m letting things be. Mabayat man keng lub.

One thing. Buran ku no sana keng PC ku reng litratung atsu ka. I made what I promised myself one last look. I couldn’t. I’m leaving theme there.

Patugut naku. Sana akit me ini.

Multitasking

I am sitting in front of the PC.
I am typing this.
I am listening to a shuffled playlist of Beyonce and Mariah Carey songs.
I am folding the dry laundry.
I am leeching a torrent of Eating Out.
I am reading a pdf of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
I am (alone on and) waiting for people to sign in Y!M.
I am wondering how people are doing in the CE planning sem.
I am contemplating about "things" that happened yesterday.
I am sulking.
I am posting this.

Anything Under the Summer's Scorching Sun

Y!M Convo Snippet #1

her: may line ba siya sa pisngi pag nagsmile?
her: sa pic parang
her: wala lang natutuwa ako
her: kasi ung kapatid ko din meron
her: ako din meron kaso di na maxado visible gaya ng dati
me: oo meron
me: ako rin dati
her: hehe
her: nawawala pala
her: di ko din alam bakit
her: dati asar pa ako e
her: nung nagtagal nagustuhan ko na
her: tapos di na siya halata

Y!M Convo Snippet #2

her: iiyak na lang ako magisa
her: kung bleep
her: e di go
her: :))
me: try mong umiyak sa shower
her: nagawa ko na
her: refreshing!
her: :))
me: masarap? di ko pa natry eh
me: hehe
her: tapos lalo kang maiiyak
her: kasi di mo alam kung gano na karami iniyak mo
her :))
her: oo masarap
her: :D
her: di ka pa maririnig kung hahagulgol ka dahil sa tubig

Y!M Convo Snippet #3

me: alam mo ba, i had a weird dream
me: namatay daw si bleep and i was crying really hard
her: hmm...ano kya interpretation nyan?
her: wish fulfillment? nyehehe, joke
me: ewan ko nga eh
me: weird no?
her: lahat naman ata ng panaginip weird, ako kanina nanaginip na nagsuot daw ako ng parang rocker outfit, tapos nung suot ko na as in nag-iba hair ko and meron nang makeup, hehehe
her: ...tpos biglang nag-melt ang makeup, shet nakakatakot
me: kumusta naman tayo?
me: baka tayo lang ang may weird dreams
me: mga mentally disturbed and emotionally scarred
her: mga repressed souls
her: repressed emotions kaya sa panaginip na lang binubuhos

Y!M Convo Snippet #4

me: hmm
me: i want to have my eyebrows plucked
her: you can do it yourself
me: wenk
me: di ako marunong
me: at saka masakit
me: at saka gusto yung arch na panglalaki tlg
her: pwede tlga, meron yang pattern or whatever u call ang brow mo, just pluck whatever yung wala dun
her: treading nlang, pero sakit din yun
me: treading? baka threading
her: typo

Indulgence

Woke up yesterday feeling inexplicably down but reading the entry from a dear friend’s blog gave reason to my illegitimate depression. The Beginning of Goodbyes. I didn’t need to read beyond the title to know what the post was about. However, reading it wholly surprised me as it made me more upset.

I had been alone all along. I was just too busy to feel it. I want to change how you feel but that would be unnecessary more than it would be absurd. The best I can do is hope that you only came to a rash conclusion. If you really had been alone all along, then so had I. So had most of the people around us. And all together, we were happy being busy to keep us from feeling even the loneliness that would eventually consume us no matter how we escaped or ignored it.

Am I being nonsensical? Forgive me; this is my attempt to console you (and myself).

Surely, as experience has taught, this feeling will be short-lived. I am faithful the memories will not share the same fate. As for the moment, let melancholy drown and intoxicate the frail and the immature.

Todo na ‘To (Pwera Attendance)

It was the CE Induction Ball last Friday night at the Max’s, Katipunan. To tell frankly, Jazel and I were disappointed to the point of being infuriated. Why not when less than forty people came, more than half of which are graduating? Hello? The Induction Ball is primarily for the new members and officers! Only seventeen people were inducted. Where were the others? It just makes my blood boil!

Okay, enough ranting. At least the people who mattered were there. My SPAdHoc co-head (so sad our partnership had to end like this). The warm, familiar faces that never failed to make me smile and feel at home.

Even with our number, I hope all had a great time with one another’s company, with the program (thanks to Chris for hosting, as usual), and, of course, with the most important thing, the food. Haha. Thanks to those who didn’t attend, all had second servings to take home with them.

Again, super thanks to all who came (including Sir Noli), your presence was super appreciated! See you at the next Induction Ball. Guess what, I am one of the SPAdHoc heads again, for the third consecutive sem. (Ivan to self, “Hindi ka pa ba nagsasawa, kasi sila sawa na sayo!”)

Up Dharma Down

Jazel and I met up at Chix & Treats to discuss details of the CE Induction Ball this Friday, after which we went to Rustan’s. She bought some stuff, I bought Choco Baby, and we stalked her Econ 151 professor. When we were already outside, I noticed the fluorescent signboard of Magnet and read “Up Dharma Down” (UDD) on it. “Shet, I wanna watch!”

Since I was bored, as usual, and was thinking of ways to kill time, I dragged Jazel with me to Magnet. I asked the waiter and he said the ticket costs P150 and that the show would start in thirty minutes (It was 9PM). I bought one ticket. Very spur-of-the-moment.

Fast forward. I asked Dia to accompany me. She agreed (after me telling her that this would be our last and all that drama). The first band, Daydream Cycle, started playing at 10:30. Their music was okay, dreamy as the band’s name suggested, filled with synthesizers much like UDD’s. I believe I already caught once on MTV their music video.

After four songs or so, it was UDD’s turn. God, was I excited I kept squeezing Dia’s thigh to contain myself! The band, especially Armi, exceeded my expectations. She impressed the crowd with her voice (my mouth was open the whole time.) She could belt and she could do difficult riffs as if she were black. I love her!

I know only two of their songs, “Maybe” and “Pag-agos” (my current fave) since these already have music videos, but I enjoyed their whole set. I am definitely buying their album Fragmented (unless my friend lends me her CD). Too bad copies are sold out and new ones will not be released until next week.

Up to this moment, my heart still beats rapidly. Even if I wasn’t able to consume the free beer that came with the ticket, UDD was still worth every peso! Armi's left arm brushed my back. I also saw Rock Drilon and his and Ces Orena-Drilon's (are they annulled or just separated?) son.

To finish, I quote a line from their song “Oo”.

Malas mo ikaw natipuhan ko. More like Malas KO ikaw natipuhan ko. Haha.

Penguin Proportions

I looked at the mirror, I saw my face, and it is as if it had been stung by a dozen killer bees. No, I don’t think it’s because of my newly cut hair. Just this morning after pressing my pair of pants, I tried it on, and just to zip the, um, zipper and button the, um, button I had to suck in my guts.

After just a week of living a pig’s life, I can’t believe I would gain fat this quickly and in all the wrong places. I am starting to look like Mojacko or that penguin the neck of which I would happily slit.

Hmm, what exactly have I been (not) doing to swell this much? Let’s see.

1.) I scavenge the ref for food every hour. Eating more than three times a day keeps me from being super bored. Even if it’s the leftover from yesterday’s dinner or the processed meat (name it: hotdog, ham, tocino, longganisa) inside the freezer, I don’t care just as long I have something to stuff down my throat.

2.) I drink five beer mugs of hot Milo a day. I think I am already developing an addiction for Milo. I will sue Nestle for truckloads of Koko Krunch and Crunch if I find out Milo contains caffeine. (Imagine having sugar rush and being high on caffeine at the same time. Happy!)

3.) I slouch in front of the computer the rest of the time. While semi-lying on the ergonomic chair that I turned practically into a bed, I eagerly wait for new feeds from the sites and blogs I religiously read. Tip: Instead of watching the news, catch the same migraine by reading hate posts of warring bloggers.

So if you want to hit two birds with one stone, getting fat while ensuring your slot in hell, just do what I do. Gluttony and sloth to the max!

Bye

Jazel took this picture of Eva, Kring, and me during the CE Tribute Night. I call it the Very Happy Picture for obvious reasons. Every time I see this picture, I laugh convulsively. I cannot recall the reason but whatever it was, it made us seem like we were having the time of our lives.

On closer inspection, that is just me in my everyday psychotic state, only with cerebral palsy (Look at my hand!) That is Eva, a retardate on the verge of a seizure, and that is Kring in the middle of a stroke.

At the first sight of teary eyes, I hastily got up from where I was sitting and headed towards the balcony. I couldn’t just handle it when people go emotional and PDA-ey; it makes me cringe. I was never the touchy-touchy type. Maybe it’s because of how I was brought up. Besides, the air was cooler at the balcony.

After a few minutes, Jazel, Eva, and Kring followed me because someone was prodding them to speak in front of the CE people. Apparently, they didn’t want to so they sneaked out. While the others were getting tributey and all, we spent the rest of the time shamelessly taking pictures of ourselves near the CR, inside the elevator, and in the ground lobby.

It’s just a matter of days before the sem ends. That means saying goodbye to those whom I’ve grown to love and care for. Those who (have no choice but to) accept me for who I am. Tears. (Now who’s getting emo?) Farewell, my fag hags. I will surely miss you. :(

Nonsense

It has been a week, the longest I’ve gone without a post. My avid reader—myself (Yes, I have so much time to kill I read my own blog. From cover to cover. Daily. Thrice.)—wait no more because I am back with an entry.

Seriously, I’ve contemplated deleting this account. I can’t think of anything to write albeit the disturbing thoughts that have been swimming inside my head. Moreover, even if I find a way to put these thoughts into words, I might get caught in deep crap again. I’ve learned my lesson the heart-wrenching and self-destructive way.

I am nearing the finish line, but the race has left me drained and bruised all over. As soon as the vacation starts, I’ll buy myself an oxygen tank and a metal plate. They just might come in handy this summer and next school year. Distance and stealth is the key.

Reader, do not take this seriously. God! I’m so fudging bored maybe I’m just messing with your mind. Maybe.

悲しさ

Some of you may wonder what in Japanese or Korean songs makes me listen to them. You might argue that I don’t even understand any of these languages. You are right. However, let me tell you, aside from the fact that I tend to be not like everybody and that I am a geek (the anime-loving type), lyrics are only secondary consideration to me.

The main reason I like a song is its total sound: the instruments and the artist’s voice. Very attentively, I take note of every element and layer of instruments played in a song. Japanese pop songs have their distinct synthetic sound that becomes richer when blended with organic sound. I am also particular with the vocal quality of the singer. The singing voice can convey emotions as effectively as the lyrics to a song do. The same goes with a song’s music or melody or whatever it is called.

Sadness is addictive and I get an overdose of it whenever I listen to, umm, sad songs. Even if the song is in a language I don’t speak or is stripped of all its lyrics and the singer just hums, I can still empathize (while drowning in self-pity.)

(This supposed to be the introduction in the entry I originally intended to make. It ended up being an entry in itself.)